Do You Know Your Conflict Style? You Should.
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THE OCCASIONAL — OR EVEN NOT-SO-OCCASIONAL — CONFLICT IS PART OF ANY
RELATIONSHIP. THE REAL PROBLEMS ARISE WHEN UNHEALTHY PATTERNS OF CONFLICT
CONTINUE OVER TIME. LASHING OUT OR EMOTIONALLY WITHDRAWING WHEN YOUR PARTNER
HURTS OR FRUSTRATES YOU CAN TAKE A MAJOR TOLL ON MORALE, BREAKING TRUST AND
LEAVING BOTH OF YOU FEELING STUCK AND DEFEATED. THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT YOUR GO-TO
CONFLICT STYLE ISN’T SET IN STONE, AND SIMPLY IDENTIFYING IT CAN DO WONDERS FOR
YOUR RELATIONSHIP. HERE’S HOW TO FIGURE IT OUT.
RELATIONSHIPS
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KNOWING YOUR CONFLICT STYLE UNLOCKS SERIOUS ADVANTAGES
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DO YOU SHUT DOWN? GO ON THE OFFENSIVE? AVOID? ASK FOR REASSURANCE?UNDERSTANDING
YOUR TENDENCY — AND TAKING THE PROPER INITIATIVE — CAN HELP ALL YOUR
RELATIONSHIPS.
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TIPS AND TRICKS
4 WAYS TO AVOID BECOMING A “HIGH-CONFLICT” SPOUSE
HIGH-CONFLICT BEHAVIOR IS ANYTHING THAT INCREASES RATHER THAN MANAGES OR
DECREASES CONFLICT, SUCH AS SCREAMING, LYING, SPREADING RUMORS, REFUSING TO TALK
FOR MORE THAN A DAY, AND DISAPPEARING FOR A LONG TIME. ALL COUPLES HAVE
CONFLICTS; THE QUESTION IS HOW YOU MANAGE THEM. ACCORDING TO BILL EDDY, A FAMILY
THERAPIST AND CO-FOUNDER OF THE HIGH CONFLICT INSTITUTE, HERE ARE SOME
PRINCIPLES TO KEEP IN MIND.
MANAGE YOUR OWN EMOTIONS: IT’S OKAY TO TAKE A BREAK. IDEALLY, SAY HOW LONG YOU
NEED (AN HOUR, A DAY, ETC.). GIVE YOURSELF ENCOURAGING STATEMENTS (“I CAN GET
THROUGH THIS.” “I DON’T HAVE TO PROVE ANYTHING HERE.”) TALK TO SOMEONE WHO WON’T
JUST TAKE SIDES.
USE YOUR FLEXIBLE THINKING: FOCUS ON THE FUTURE AND THE CHOICES YOU HAVE FOR
WHAT TO DO NEXT. THINK OF A CREATIVE PROPOSAL FOR WHAT TO DO NOW. WRITE DOWN A
LIST OF OPTIONS. SOMETIMES JUST WRITING A LIST HELPS US CALM DOWN IN THE MIDDLE
OF A CONFLICT.
USE MODERATE BEHAVIORS: AVOID DOING THE HIGH-CONFLICT BEHAVIORS DESCRIBED ABOVE.
AND IF YOU DO, EXPLAIN HOW YOU ARE GOING TO TRAIN YOURSELF TO NEVER DO THEM
AGAIN (SUCH AS GOING TO COUNSELING OR TAKING AN ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASS). MOSTLY,
JUST SAY YOU NEED A BREAK, TAKE A WALK, WRITE A LIST, ETC.
DON’T BLAME YOUR SPOUSE: IT’S EASY TO BLAME OUR OWN BEHAVIOR ON EVERYONE ELSE,
BUT IT QUICKLY BURNS OUT RELATIONSHIPS. DON’T BECOME A HIGH-CONFLICT PERSON WITH
A PATTERN OF BLAMING OTHERS. INSTEAD, TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR THINKING,
EMOTIONS, AND BEHAVIOR. REMEMBER, OUR EMOTIONS ARE “CAUSED” BY NUMEROUS FACTORS
(OUR NATURAL-BORN TEMPERAMENT, LIFE EXPERIENCES, OUR DAY, ETC.). YOUR SPOUSE
DIDN’T JUST “MAKE” YOU HAVE YOUR UPSET FEELINGS OR BEHAVIOR. ASK YOURSELF: WHAT
IS MY PART IN THIS PROBLEM?HOW CAN I MANAGE MY EMOTIONS BETTER RIGHT NOW?
HERE'S SOME MORE TO KNOW ABOUT AVOIDING THE TRAP OF THE “HIGH-CONFLICT” SPOUSE.
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FURTHER READING
* HOW TO KEEP THE PEACE: 7 CONFLICT RESOLUTION STRATEGIES FOR PARENTS
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* WANT A HAPPIER MARRIAGE? LOOK FOR OPPORTUNITIES TO FIGHT. SERIOUSLY.
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* HOW TO DISAGREE BETTER
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PARENTING
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IF YOU’RE ONLY HAVING ONE SEX TALK, YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG
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TALKING ABOUT SEX IS GOING TO BE AWKWARD, BUT IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE WEIRD.
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FROM OUR FRIENDS
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PRESENTED BY PARAMOUNT+
THE FAIRLY ODDPARENTS: FAIRLY ODDER IS NOW STREAMING EXCLUSIVELY ON PARAMOUNT+
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WISHES CAN COME TRUE! THE FAIRLY ODDPARENTS: FAIRLY ODDER, AN ALL-NEW LIVE
ACTION SERIES, IS NOW STREAMING EXCLUSIVELY ON PARAMOUNT+. WHEN TY TURNER
UPROOTS HIS LIFE TO REUNITE WITH HIS HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART IN THE COLORFUL TOWN
OF DIMMSDALE, HIS 13-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER VIVIAN IS THRUST INTO A NEW WORLD
ALONGSIDE HER NEW STEP-BROTHER, ROY. LUCKY FOR VIV, SHE’S INHERITED WANDA AND
COSMO, TWO FAIRY GODPARENTS SHE’LL SHARE WITH ROY, TO HELP THEM BOTH FIND THEIR
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WATCH NOW
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STYLE
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THE SHORT-SLEEVED BUTTON DOWNS TO WEAR NOW THAT IT’S FINALLY WARM
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HERE ARE SOME OF OUR FAVORITES FROM CASUAL TO DRESSY, PLAIN TO PATTERNED.
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* THE QUARTER-ZIP SWEATER DESERVES YOUR RESPECT
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GROOMING
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THE PERFECT ANTI-AGING SKINCARE ROUTINE FOR MEN
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HERE’S WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO MAKE SURE YOUR SKIN AGES GRACEFULLY.
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FOOD
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THIS BARBECUE KETTLE CORN WILL QUICKLY BECOME YOUR FAMILY’S FAVORITE SNACK
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SALTY, SWEET, SPICY, AND CRUNCHY. WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT?
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