5 Mindfulness Exercises You Can Do in Under 5 Minutes
Fatherly
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PARENTS SPEND A LOT OF TIME TELLING THEIR KIDS TO BE NICE TO OTHERS — ESPECIALLY
WHEN SIBLINGS ARE INVOLVED. BUT RAISING KIDS WHO ARE KIND TAKES MORE THAN
SCOLDING MEANNESS. KIND KIDS MUST BE ATTUNED TO THE EMOTIONS OF OTHERS AND HAVE
A GENUINE CONCERN FOR THEIR WELLBEING. WHERE NICENESS MEETS EMPATHY, KINDNESS IS
A SERIOUSLY CHALLENGING LESSON FOR PARENTS TO PASS ON TO THEIR KIDS. LUCKILY, IT
IS POSSIBLE TO TRAIN KINDNESS INTO KIDS.
PARENTING
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3 SIMPLE RULES TO RAISE KIND KIDS
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IT'S ALL ABOUT THE SMALL THINGS.
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READ THE STORY
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TIPS AND TRICKS
HOW TO RECOGNIZE A “TEACHABLE MOMENT”
PARENTS ARE OFTEN ASKED TO LOOK FOR TEACHABLE MOMENTS WITH THEIR KIDS. BUT WHAT
IS A TEACHABLE MOMENT, REALLY? AND HOW CAN PARENTS LEVERAGE THEM TO HELP A KID
GROW? HERE ARE THREE WAYS TO RECOGNIZE THEM.
1. DISCONNECT FROM PARENTAL EMOTIONS
PARENTS OFTEN FEEL THAT LESSONS NEED TO BE TAUGHT IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT, BUT
THOSE ARE OFTEN THE LEAST HELPFUL TIMES TO START TEACHING. “AS ADULTS, WE OFTEN
VIEW SOMETHING AS A TEACHABLE MOMENT BECAUSE WE’RE FRUSTRATED, WE’RE STRESSED.
WE WANT TO DO SOMETHING AT THAT MOMENT BECAUSE IT’S ABOUT OUR ANXIETY,” SAYS
PHYLLIS FAGELL, LICENSED CLINICAL PROFESSIONAL COUNSELOR AND AUTHOR OF MIDDLE
SCHOOL MATTERS. BUT THAT ANXIETY CAN TRANSLATE AS ANGER AND JUDGMENT, LEADING TO
SHAME. “IF A KID FEELS LIKE THERE’S NO PATH BACK TO BEING A GOOD KID THEN
THERE’S NO POINT TO THEM IN HAVING THAT CONVERSATION.”
2. CONSIDER THE CONTEXT:
FAGELL NOTES THAT PARENTS SHOULD REMEMBER BEHAVIORS ARE LIKE ICEBERGS. BENEATH
EVERY OBSERVABLE CHOICE A CHILD MAKES (GOOD OR BAD) THERE ARE EMOTIONAL AND
PSYCHOLOGICAL ANTECEDENTS THAT REMAIN HIDDEN. NEIL KATCHER, FATHER TO AN
8-YEAR-OLD SON AND CREATOR OF THE POPULAR MORTIFIED PODCAST HAS MADE HIS LIVING
OUT OF EXAMINING TEACHABLE MOMENT. HE FOCUSES ON THOSE ANTECEDENTS IN HIS SHOW
AND SAYS THAT PARENTS MIGHT BE SURPRISED BY THE CONTEXT OF CERTAIN BEHAVIORS.
“IT’S NEVER WHAT YOU EXPECTED IT TO BE,” HE SAYS. “THE CONTEXT CAN ONLY COME
FROM THE KID, AND IT TAKES TIME TO UNDERSTAND THAT CONTEXT. SO, FOR ME, MOST OF
THE TEACHABLE MOMENT IS LISTENING”
3. GET COMFORTABLE ASKING QUESTIONS
FAGELL UNDERSTANDS THE PARENTAL URGE TO BE FLUMMOXED BY CHILDREN’S CHOICES. BUT
WHEN IT COMES TO QUESTIONS, SHE URGES PARENTS TO STEER CLEAR OF ASKING ACCUSING
QUESTIONS LIKE, “WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?” INSTEAD, SHE SUGGESTS THAT PARENTS ASK
OPEN ENDED QUESTIONS THAT ARE GROUNDED IN EMPATHY AND CURIOSITY.
“WE ACTUALLY MAP OUT THE ENTIRE STORY WITH THEM. AND WE DON’T ASK FOR
CONCLUSIONS UNTIL WE KNOW THE WHOLE STORY UNTIL WE GO THROUGH IT ALL,” SAYS
KATCHER. “BY DOING THAT THEY HAVE A BROADER PERSPECTIVE AS TO WHAT HAPPENED TO
THEM AND WHY THEY DID WHAT THEY DID.”
HERE'S SOME MORE EXPERT INSIGHT INTO FINDING TEACHABLE MOMENTS.
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FURTHER READING
* GENTLE PARENTING IS NOT FOR THE WEAK OF HEART
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* HOW TO TELL IF YOU HAVE AN INTROVERTED CHILD
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* 3 INEFFECTIVE PARENTING STYLES THAT MAKE KIDS AVOIDANT
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CALM
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5 MINDFULNESS EXERCISES YOU CAN DO IN UNDER 5 MINUTES
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MEMORIZE THESE THE NEXT TIME YOU NEED TO FIND FOCUS AND CALM.
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READ THE STORY
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LOVE
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WHAT TO DO WHEN ONE PARENT IS ALWAYS THE BAD COP
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BEING THE BAD COP IS WEARING AND BREEDS RESENTMENT. HERE'S HOW TO HELP BALANCE
THE SCALES AND BECOME A UNIFIED FRONT WITH YOUR PARTNER.
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READ THE STORY
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TIPS AND TRICKS
TWO WAYS TO STOP RELIVING THE SAME FIGHT AGAIN AND AGAIN
1. FIGHT THE INSTINCT TO LABEL
WE’RE QUICK TO COMPARTMENTALIZE AND LABEL. VERY OFTEN IN AN ARGUMENT, PEOPLE
TEND TO POINT FINGERS AND CITE THE OTHER PERSON AS BEING THE SOURCE OF THE
MARRIAGE’S PROBLEMS. IT’S HARD TO BREAK DOWN EXACTLY WHAT IT IS THAT OUR PARTNER
IS DOING WRONG.
AN EXERCISE TO TRY: TRY TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF AND REVEALING MORE ABOUT WHY THIS
PARTICULAR RECURRING ARGUMENT MAKES YOU SO ANGRY. FOR INSTANCE, TRY SAYING ‘I
GET SCARED WHEN YOU SPEND MONEY, BECAUSE I GREW UP IN A FAMILY WHERE WE DIDN’T
DO THAT.” SPEAKING PLAINLY ABOUT YOURSELF OFFERS A DEEPER UNDERSTANDING OF WHERE
YOU’RE COMING FROM AND ALLOWS YOUR PARTNER TO SHARE, TOO.
2. RECOGNIZE YOU ARE REALLY ARGUING ABOUT WHAT’S UNDERNEATH.
RECURRING ARGUMENTS ARE RARELY ABOUT WHAT THEY APPEAR TO BE ON A SURFACE LEVEL.
THEY HAVE INCEPTION-LEVEL LAYERS. A FIGHT ABOUT NEVER DOING THE DISHES IS MORE
LIKELY ABOUT RESPECT AND HOW PARTNERS SEE ONE ANOTHER IN A RELATIONSHIP. A FIGHT
ABOUT MONEY IS LIKELY ALSO ABOUT POWER, INTIMACY, AND TRUST. THE FACT OF THE
MATTER IS THAT DESPITE WHAT HAS PULLED THE IGNITION AND RESTARTED THE SAME FIGHT
YOU HAD TWO WEEKS AGO, IT WON’T BE RESOLVED UNLESS YOU PINPOINT THE UNDERLYING
ISSUES — AND WHERE THEY FIRST BEGAN. IT’S CRUCIAL TO CONFRONT AND ADMIT THOSE
ISSUES AND NOT ALLOW THEM TO INFORM YOUR ACTIONS IN THE PRESENT.
FURTHER READING
* 7 COMMON MONEY ARGUMENTS COUPLES HAVE — AND HOW TO APPROACH THEM
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* HOW TO STOP AN ARGUMENT QUICKLY
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* THE 6 MOST COMMON MISTAKES COUPLES MAKE WHEN FIGHTING
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SAY IT AIN’T SO
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DISNEY+ IS GOING TO MAKE YOUR LIFE WORSE WITH ADS VERY SOON
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STREAMING PLATFORMS ARE LOOKING TO TRADITIONAL TV MODELS TO MAKE MORE MONEY.
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READ THE STORY
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