For many American parents, the word “punishment” evokes visions of children crying under the admonishing gaze of red-faced adults. These ideas of angry, tear-inducing retribution for misdeeds are tangled deep in the nation’s Calvinist roots. But at its core, punishment is a simple and useful psychological tool. It is the counterpoint to its more gallant sister: reward. Whereas reward is a mechanism that increases a behavior, punishment is a mechanism that decreases a behavior. As such it can be subtle, or it can be brutal. But it is not a punishment unless it decreases a behavior. The most important point to remember is that punishment should not erode the foundational relationship between a parent and a child. Punishments, or even threats of punishments, that threaten a child’s sense of safety, for instance, are particularly damaging and ineffective. So are punishments that are not tied to reasonable consistent rules. But used well, discipline is a powerful tool that can help children in myriad ways. |
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