TIPS AND TRICKS

Want to Make Better Decisions? Learn One Another’s Styles.

Decisions tend to be based on the ideas and values people are exposed to growing up. Many people never challenge these because our brains naturally look for evidence that we’re right, not evidence that disproves our version of reality. Each partner, therefore, enters a relationship with a different ability to share power and compromise.

“Those raised in homes with permissive parents are used to doing as they please, and they bring that strong will into their marriage,” says psychologist Wyatt Fisher. “If you were raised as an only child, you don’t have much experience having to share or compromise. [And] if you were raised with an authoritarian parent where you had no voice, you may give in too easily as an adult.”

People might feel strongly about certain aspects of parenting that relate to things they experienced (good or bad) when they were children.

“In those moments related to parenting, people can get defensive and critical because the stakes feel so high,” says therapist Nikki Lively. “Everyone wants to be a good parent and wants what’s best for their child.”

Cultivating an awareness of how you and your partner approach joint decisions can help you make changes and avoid unhelpful patterns.