The Importance of Apologizing to Your Kids
“What we’re doing as parents is teaching kids how to be good human beings,” says Dr. Laura Markham, author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids. “It doesn’t happen through lectures, but what they actually experience.”
Dr. Markham explains that when a kid has a parent that never apologizes, they’re likely to conclude that apologies are unimportant. And that learning sticks, even if a parent consistently insists that their child apologizes to siblings or a friend. A sorry-less parent shows by example that apologizing causes a person to lose status or prestige. Kids, in turn, learn that sorries are a bad thing.
“By modeling an apology we’re saying one of the most meaningful things in life is your connection with other humans with whom you share a bond of love,” she says.
But parents screw up all the time. If they’re not stumble-bumming around and breaking toys, they’re forgetting to read a story, or leaving the juice in the kitchen, or forgetting to buy more goldfish crackers. Apologizing for all of those things would be pretty exhausting. It’s not necessary, but Markham suggests that it might be the easiest approach.
“In fact, I would advocate for apologizing for small things so it feels less loaded,” she explains. Still, Dr. Markham notes that apologies don’t have to be some heartfelt, eye-to-eye concession full of weight and portent. In fact, it only has to be three words: “Oops, I’m sorry.”
Unapologetic parents raise unapologetic kids. Here’s how to apologize to your kid when you make a mistake.
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