TIPS AND TRICKS

How to Say No Without Really Saying No to a Preschooler

Once a child reaches preschool age, he or she is beginning to learn to reason — and manipulation. This is a good thing for their development and can work in your favor. In situations where you need to give a denial, it helps to offer up alternatives to the requested activity, or allow a child to sort through the pros and cons of what they want, with a little nudge toward the negative to help a kid arrive at the desired outcome.

If you’re denying a request for something monetary, like the purchase of a toy, you can use the opportunity to explain money to the child, advising them to save. This stalls the denial and allows a child to spend time thinking about whether the result is worth the effort.

“You let the child feel like he or she is a participant in a decision,” says Dr. Susan Newman, a social psychologist and author of The Book of No, who emphasizes that constantly caving to a child’s wants can have consequences. “You’re trying to raise a thinking, feeling, independent, responsible child. If you’re giving in to your child all the time because it’s quicker and easier, you’re really not doing your child a service because you’re not teaching him how to behave.”

There are times in parenting when saying no as a form of child discipline doesn't make sense. Here are some more tips for saying no without really saying no.

TIPS AND TRICKS

The “Gentle Startup” Is Crucial For a Happiness
Happy couples rarely criticize one another. That’s not to say that they don’t get annoyed or feel the need to point out when one or the other is coming up short. But it’s the way that they choose to go about it that makes the difference. Attacking a partner and laying blame at their feet will only create more strife. “The antidote is a gentle startup,” says Carrie Cole, A master trainer, and director of the renowned Gottman Institute in Seattle. The gentle startup is a way of beginning a conversation without putting your partner on the defensive. She offers an example: “‘I get annoyed about the dishes in the living room. I would appreciate it if they would get picked up.’”

Here are a few more rules of a happy, long-lasting marriage.