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John,
We’re apologizing in advance, because the next several days are going to be e-mail heavy, and the topics will probably be upsetting. But we don’t feel like we have any choice but to keep you informed.
You see, this weekend is the Conservative Political Action Conference, better known as CPAC, the annual gathering of the far-right that sets the agenda and tone for the Republican Party and its members for the next 12 months.
CPAC used to be a strictly inside-the-beltway affair held in D.C., Maryland or Virginia, but once COVID hit, they switched to Florida, where thanks to QAnon-darling Ron DeSantis, they don’t have to wear masks or show proof of vaccination to hold a potential super-spreader event.
Anyway, this is the weekend where they let it all hang out and publicly announce their talking points and strategies for the coming year, so we’d be idiots not to monitor events as they unfold in Orlando this weekend.
The good news for you is, we’re taking one for the team. We’re going to keep an eye on CPAC so you don’t have to.
The bad news for us is, well … we have to witness CPAC.
(Want to tip us for our trouble or help pay for aspirin and barf bags?)
Here’s a sampling of the nauseating agenda for this year’s conference:
Each day kicks off with a Catholic Mass led by Fr. Frank Pavone, a dissident Roman Catholic priest and anti-abortion extremist who has been repeatedly reprimanded and even suspended by his church for mismanaging donations, refusing communion or absolution to Democrats, politicking for Trump against the orders of his Bishop, and perhaps most memorably, desecrating an altar with the remains of an aborted fetus he’s been dragging around with him to use as a prop since the 1970s.
Featured guest speakers include:
- Donald Trump (of course)
- Donald Trump, Jr. and his girlfriend Kimberly Guilfoyle
- Florida Governor Ron “DeathSantis”
- Senators Ted “Cancun” Cruz, Josh Hawley, and Marco Rubio
- House Sedition Caucus members Madison “Stolen Valor” Cawthorn, Marjorie “Trainwreck” Greene, Jim “The Enabler” Jordan, Matt “The Pedophile” Gaetz, and Lauren “Ex-Con” Boebert
- Disinformation pusher and literal neo-Nazi Jack Posobiec
- Disgraced pizza salesman “Papa” John Schnatter
- Former Trump shill and onetime reality TV contestant Sean Spicer
- Twitter embarrassment Candace Owens
…and dozens of lesser-known, but equally problematic figureheads of the party of Trump.
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As for the topics they’ll speak on, well … these folks aren’t even pretending to be mainstream anymore. It seems they’re leaning into their post-January 6th reputation as “domestic terrorists,” with sessions like:
- “Domestic Terrorists Unite: Lessons from Virginia Parents” (this session is immediately and ominously followed by one called “School Boards for Dummies”)
- The threateningly named “Lockdowns and Mandates: Now Do You Understand Why We Have a Second Amendment?”
- “The Truth about January 6th” featuring Julie Kelly, a writer who describes the Capitol insurrection as “a four-hour disturbance” and “an FBI hoax,” and the sedition charges against the OathKeepers militia that helped organize it as “pathetic and political.”
- “Are You Ready to Be Called a Racist?”
- “The Invasion” (a session on immigration)
- “Pupil Propoganda” [sic], a session trashing diversity, equity, and inclusion education with an improperly spelled name
- “Silly Doctor! Sex Changes Aren’t for Kids,” an anti-trans workshop
- “They Can’t Shut Us Up!” starring pea-brained loudmouth Marjorie Taylor Greene, who is clearly tired of every sane person in the world begging her to shut up
- “Fire Fauci” and “The Government is Dangerous to Your Health,” two sessions led by panels of people well-known for spreading dangerous health misinformation
- “Lock Her Up, FOR REAL,” because six years later, Hillary Clinton still lives rent-free in the GQP’s heads
- “A Speech by President Donald J. Trump” (presumably given by not-president Donald J. Trump
- “The Moron in Chief,” which is amazingly not about the former guy, and which, perhaps fittingly, will be led by actual moron Lauren Boebert
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So, we at No Dem Left Behind clearly have a hellish weekend ahead. The “fun” starts tomorrow morning and runs through Sunday afternoon. We’ll try our best to keep you posted along the way, and at the end, we’ll give you the Cliffs Notes version so you’ll be aware of any threats and plots the GQP reveal this weekend without having to watch the whole thing yourself.
We’re sorry, and you’re welcome.
-The No Dem Left Behind team.
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