The honeymoon phase doesn’t last forever. Shocker, right? While most of us understand this, we still struggle against the reality. Gone are the days of being delighted by the discovery of similarities. Instead, you begin to see all the ways in which your partner is different from you. This sudden awareness, along with the disagreements and conflicts that arise, feels threatening. But instead of ignoring it, it’s important to search for moments of “low-stakes conflict” to learn more about one another and how you argue. These little disagreements are great preparation for the not-so-small conflicts ahead. It’s all about how you take advantage of them.

LOVE

Want a Happier Marriage? Look For Opportunities to Fight. Seriously.

Conflict in relationships is inevitable. It’s also necessary. The only way to get better at it is to practice.

TIPS AND TRICKA

Avoid This Mistake If You Want Your Arguments to End Better
Figuring out the real reason you’re fighting is important. But the conversation can’t stay “stuck” on the problem as this will only drive feelings of hopelessness, anger, and upset, warns Dr. Anthony Chambers, the Chief Academic Officer of The Family Institute and the Director of the Center for Applied Psychological and Family Studies at Northwestern University.

Focusing forever on the problem itself won’t help, so keep your eye on the end game. “Couples need to move away from diagnosing the problem, and getting more focused on how to solve the problem,” says Chambers. “Having a solution-oriented conversation can be incredibly helpful, and it’s much more hopeful and reassuring when you feel like you have a partner you are working with who can try and solve this problem, rather than assigning blame.”

Here are some more common argument mistakes to keep in mind.

FURTHER READING

FINDING RAFFI

How Raffi’s Biggest Album Changed Rock and Roll History

'Singable Songs For the Very Young' launched the career of one huge music producer.

PARENTING

20 Emotional Skills All Dads Need

An emotional toolbox isn't complete without these skills and some good practice using them.

You want to show emotions to a child. You want to show you can be sad or angry in a healthy, adult way. You don’t want to model holding everything in or that there are no boundaries, either.

— Justin Lioi, LCSW, who specializes in treating men and fathers, on the importance of deploying emotions and not simply relying on stoicism.

ADVICE

A Minnesota Dad’s Advice for Surviving a Long, Dark Winter

A native once described to me the best way to survive a Minnesota winter: You gotta step into the punch. We all need to do that this year. Here's how.

PLAY

The One Reason The Mandalorian Is Cooler Than Boba Fett

This is the way.

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