“We’re very quick to label our ‘stuckness’ as a problem with laziness or motivation. It isn’t.”
Go Ahead, Feel Proud of Yourself
Seriously, you should feel proud. For the big victories, but also the little ones, like rerouting a tantrum or nailing the day’s snacks. The thing is, it’s hard to know exactly when and how to feel proud of yourself because pride is a loaded term. At its best, it’s loving and confident. At its worst, it’s stubborn, aggressive, and racist. And even when it’s not ratcheted up to a red-faced boil, it can be foolish.
“The trap with pride is the egotistical stuff,” notes Michael F. Steger, professor of psychology and director of the Center for Meaning and Purpose at Colorado State University.
This makes for confusion. You’re left wondering what you can feel good about, what you should share with others, and whether it’s even okay to celebrate your wins. The short answer is yes, you can revel. In fact, you should feel proud of yourself, because feeling proud is necessary as you grind through life.
“It keeps you motivated and feeling rewarded by what you do,” says Philip Gable, assistant professor of psychology and director of the Social Cognitive Emotive Neuroscience Lab at University of Delaware. All of us could do with a little motivation these days.
Here’s how to feel okay feeling proud — and use it to keep yourself motivated.
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The first two episodes of our new podcast have dropped. In them we take you on a journey to get to know Raffi a little better, hearing about his childhood in Egypt (fleeing the Armenian genocide), his days as an itinerant folk singer in Canada, and his breakthrough album. You can listen to it here.
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Keep Your Discipline Consistent
“The most important aspect of discipline is being consistent with rules and consequences. In fact, consistency is going to be more important than the specific consequence, especially when kids are younger,” says therapist Chad Brandt, PhD.
When rules and expectations are constantly in flux, kids can get anxious even when they’re behaving appropriately. “Parents will put off disciplining their child because of how the child might respond. So, the child has free rein to do whatever, until the parent snaps and gets angry,” Brandt says. “For the child, it’s confusing when they get to do whatever they want, until all of the sudden they get yelled at.”
That combination of confusion and fear is a breeding ground for anxiety. In contrast, clarity, closure, and positivity create an environment where kids can learn it’s safe to acknowledge their mistakes and grow from them.
Here are a few more effective discipline tips to keep in mind.
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Have a question? Comment? Want to tell us a no-good terrible story? Or a helpful parenting tip? We want to hear from you (and yes, we may publish your response in an article or forthcoming newsletter).
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