Maintaining a connection with your dad can become difficult as the days pass and schedules fill up. Here's how these men make it a priority.
Two Great Questions to Ask Your Dad While He’s Still Here
1. What are you most proud of in your life?
Chances are, he’s going to say you. Right? “The default answer will probably be family,” admits Michael Ceely, a marriage and family therapist. “But, that doesn’t mean it isn’t true.” On the other hand, he might surprise you by saying something else — something he’s personally proud of. Either way, a question like this can strengthen your father/son relationship through one of the most important qualities it can have – honesty. “Maybe it’s something he’s never shared with anyone before,” says Ceely. “Or maybe he’s only shared it with a few close friends, or your mom. It’s a way to bring yourselves to a new level of honesty without prodding.”
2. Who was the most influential person in your life?
The answers here are boundless. It could be his dad. It could be Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. It could be David Byrne. Whoever it is, that person will give you insight into what your dad values, even if he doesn’t come right out and say it. “Influential people in our lives typically have characteristics we want to develop,” Ceely explains. “This question will allow you to gain insight into the principles that are most important to your dad.” Ceely says clients have cited teachers, coaches, and even former employers as candidates for the question — different people, for similar reasons. “The answer to this question will be someone who came into your dad’s life and showed him something important about himself. That’s a great thing to know.”
Here are a few more questions to ask your old man.
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Since 1980, parents and children around the world have been singing along to the brilliant and beautiful music of Raffi Cavoukian. And now, the whole story of his journey is the subject of a new podcast from iHeartRadio and Fatherly. Episode one, “The More We Get Together” is available now.
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Want to Have Better Arguments? Plan Your Discussions Better
A common mistake that couples make when fighting is that one partner brings up issues at the wrong time. There is almost zero value in starting a serious conversation about issues in a relationship after, say a few drinks or when one partner is busy or exhausted. Catching a partner off guard almost guarantees that feelings will be hurt, and a regular conversation will turn into a blowout.
While being able to talk freely about feelings and concerns is deeply important in a relationship, it’s important that a marriage will not end tomorrow if the issue isn’t brought up. In order to have healthy, calm, and productive conversations, couples need to have scheduled times where they can air out their grievances. “It’s helpful for a couple to be able to have some predictability,” says Dr. Anthony Chambers, the Chief Academic Officer of The Family Institute and the Director of the Center for Applied Psychological and Family Studies at Northwestern University. “Couples need to be aligned on what timing will work for both of them, so that you can approach the conversation with the right mindset.”
Here are a few more common — and avoidable — mistakes couples make when arguing.
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