It’s normal to feel a little weird when you break social norms and stereotypes about your own vulnerability. But this shouldn't stop you.
Two Phrases Parents Should Say to Their Kids More Often
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“I Don’t Know”
The power of “I don’t know” is that it is a launch pad for showing kids the power of research, learning, and curiosity. It’s a gateway to developing a shared understanding of the world, one Google search or library trip at a time.
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“Is That True?”
This isn’t necessarily common for parents, but it should be as it’s the one phrase that can help a kid get past their constant negative thoughts. It’s incredibly easy for children to build a narrative where they are the victim. That narrative results in a downward spiral of “nobody likes me, everybody hates me, might as well go eat worms.” But kids are also smart enough that if you challenge their perceptions, they will take a moment to think critically about what they’re saying.
Asking a kid who says something like, “I never get what I want,” if what they’ve said is true is a great way to disrupt a negative thought process. It opens the door for a little bit of nuance and makes problems that seem huge and intractable a bit easier to tackle and conquer.
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The stress of parenting can make even the most emotionally healthy person turn molehills into mountains. Here's how to keep things in perspective.
3 Things to Do When You’re Feeling Frustrated with Your Partner
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Put Yourself in Their Shoes
Try to look at the situation from your partner’s side. Ask yourself how you might feel, or how you might react. Chances are you’ll be in a better place. “Think of how this situation is related to other situations for your partner,” says relationship coach Cheri Timko. “This is not your interpretation, but what you know they would say if they explained it to you.” If you’re stuck, Timko suggests writing a letter from them to you explaining their experience in the situation.
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Ask For Their Input
Why? Because how else are you going to get to the root of your frustration? The key is calm. Talk to your partner and ask them to explain the reasoning behind their actions and emotions. Listen and ask questions to try and gain some understanding. “It is important that you choose a good time to ask so you both stay calm,” Timko says. “You may not get the opportunity to describe your part. But knowing what is happening for your partner will help you deal with it better.”
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Have a Plan
If you’ve been with someone long enough, you usually can start to tell when things are going badly. When you sense a tense situation beginning to brew, it might be wiser to try and nip the argument in the bud before it gets worse. “Know ahead of time what are the signs and symptoms that your frustration and irritation are growing and what you need to do to manage them,” says Timko. Calling a timeout and returning to a conversation when you’ve cooled down (and re-engaging with it) is always an excellent strategy.
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