Checking up on an Aging Parent’s Mental Health from Afar? Be Caring, Not Paternalistic
You can glean more from an open dialogue than you can if you talk in a way that makes older folks feel like they need to be taken care of, says psychiatrist Judith Feld, MD, MPH, distinguished life fellow of the American Psychiatric Association and national medical director of Ontrak. If you’re checking in regularly, you can ask what they’ve been doing and about activities in a more organic way than asking them to list any changes to their medications, for example. You do want to know if there have been changes in their medications, however, because sometimes medication side effects can mimic symptoms of depression.
“Rather than outright asking about trips to the doctor, you can say, ‘Tell me what’s been going on in your life. What have you been doing?’” she says. Use that as a starting point, then you can inquire about medical visits and any changes to medications more casually.
Seeing your loved ones, even just on screen, offers an important window of opportunity with which to gauge their mental health. Here are a few more tips to keep in mind.
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Two Big Reasons Boredom Is Healthy for Kids
1. Boredom Leads to Better Screen Time Habits
Adults are guilty of disliking boredom just as much as their kids and we often avoid it completely with the help of our smartphones. But kids notice what their parents do and mirror that behavior. Most parents probably don’t want to teach their children to waste as much time as they do mindlessly scrolling around the internet. So even when you’re bored, too, get off your phone — or whatever screen is in front of you — and do something with your child. Use your creativity, invent a new game together, take a walk, bake some Christmas cookies. Instead of distracting yourself, you and your child can figure out what to do together.
2. Bored Kids Look for Connections
You might be the one getting bored with your kids. It happens. Parents who accept boredom as a normal part of parenthood, instead of expecting it to always be fulfilling and meaningful, often end up with happier families in the long run. Even if you are bored of playing that same game or watching that same Christmas movie for the millionth time, pushing through that feeling and putting in the time can give you valuable connection time with your child, says Sharon Saline, a licensed clinical psychologist and author of What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew: Working Together to Empower Kids for Success in School and Life. In the long run, you are trying to develop a strong relationship with your kid. Showing up and paying attention to something they find interesting, even if it’s not much fun for you, matters and can help strengthen that bond.
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