Stop Yourself Before You Tell a Boy “You’re Too Sensitive.”
Boys can be made to feel a lot of shame for expressing their emotions, almost to the point of not being allowed to have feelings, let alone voice them aloud.
“When we tell our sons they’re too sensitive,” says Matt Smith, a Charlotte-based anxiety therapist, we not only invalidate their feelings; we teach them to suppress and neglect their emotional needs altogether, which can have a detrimental effect on males across their lifetime.”
Rachel D. Miller, a marriage and family therapist, agrees, saying that the consequences of forcing boys to tamp down their emotions can be dire. “When emotions are not felt and processed,” she says, “they come out or are coped with via unhealthy means such as violence, alcohol or drug use, physical ailments, and mental health issues.”
Here are a few more things parents should be careful not to say to boys.
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Whether you want to send a tactful message of regret for taking things too far or a simple note to help you re-engage later, here's what to consider.
Sense Yourself Spiraling During a Fight? Name the Emotion
Self-awareness is a crucial skill during an argument. Take stock of what’s happening the instant the hairs on your neck stand up. We all know what anger feels like. Now you need to say something out loud about it, like: ‘I know I’m getting angry.’ “That takes it from being a visceral reaction and puts it into the conscious mind,” says Jonathan R. Bennett, a certified counselor and coach behind The Popular Man. “Even just whispering it to yourself to hear yourself saying it is a starting point.”
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