This is how to tell if you're in the here and now — and more importantly, how to get there when you're not.
Want to Feel More Grounded? Take a Moment to Notice the Small Things
Cluttered minds are constantly thinking about what’s next. This makes existing in the present difficult. The small pleasures in life get lost to the major stresses of getting through the day. But just by noticing the smallest physical sensations can help you feel grounded and quiet your mind. “Take some time to notice sensations while you’re cooking — like the smell of garlic, the sizzle of the pan, or the way the water feels on your hands as you wash them,” says Jen O’Rourke, MA, MFT, RPT. “These small grounding activities will help you be more present and connected to the things that matter in your life.”
Here are a few more strategies to use to free your mind of work stress and feel more present.
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Where’s the road map for new parents? Glad you asked! Fatherhood, by the editors of Fatherly, is a comprehensive parenting guide that walks dads through everything they need to know over the course of the first year of a baby’s life and beyond. It’s full of practical tips (everything you need), as well as work-life balance guidance (this is crucial), relationship advice (doubly crucial!), and as well as tons of expert-driven analysis that will help guide parents through a truly disorienting time. Pre-order it now and get the first copies on November 9.
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A Defense Mechanism to Be Aware of: Denial
What is it: Denial is exactly what it sounds like: Refusing to accept a truth for what it really is. “It is a very common defense mechanism primarily enacted when the individual finds it too emotionally painful to admit the truth,” California-based marriage and family therapist Amber Trueblood says.
Why it Can Cause Trouble: If defense mechanisms were recipe ingredients, denial would be salt. It’s common to the point of ubiquity, it’s quick and easy to sprinkle and it works for practically everything. “Denial takes little forethought or explanation,” Trueblood says. “Instead, you can quickly respond with, ‘that’s not true.’”
How to prevent it: In the moment, slow your roll. Denial is a lizard brain, fight-or-flight response. Take a deep breath and get to a place where you can at least say “Okay, maybe.” In the long run, Trueblood says time, as well as self-awareness practices like journaling, therapy, and meditation, can help to prevent the need for denial and other defense mechanisms.
Here's some more information about defense mechanisms that can be harmful for relationships — and how to fight them.
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