Feeling Resentful of Your Partner? Vent Into a Friend’s Voicemail
“A strategy I recommend to clients expressing resentment toward their partners is to call a good friend and vent into their voicemail. Establish some guidelines with a dear friend that you are going to use their voicemail to process through your big feelings. And invite them to do the same when they have big feelings.
The key is that the two of you need to make an agreement that each of you will only listen and not give advice or try to fix the friend’s emotional dump. It feels so soothing and brings a tremendous amount of clarity when you share your stories with a friend who’s always on both your and your partner’s side. And then after you have emptied out your uncomfortable feelings, investigated what was going on for you, then you can discuss the triggers that came up with your partner from a more calm and aware state.” — Andrea Dindinger, San Francisco-based licensed marriage and family therapist
Resentment can quickly sour a relationship. Here are some more things to do if you find yourself resenting your spouse.
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So, Your Child Had a Nightmare. Here’s What to Do
When nightmares happen, you should escort kids back to their rooms (if they’ve fled). Once they’re returned to the scene of the thought-crime, let them know you have their back. Ask a lot of questions such as “What did you see? Was it scary?” — and let them explain without fear of judgment, or dismissal.
Just don’t let the talk linger. “Conversations about the nightmare should end once the child has been reassured, and shouldn’t continue until the following day when coping strategies can be discussed preferably during the daytime and not just before bedtime,” says Christopher Drapeau, a sleep disorder clinician at Mississippi State University. “This may heighten anxiety about going to bed.”
You may be inclined to comfort your nightmare-haver. But you should fight the urge. Otherwise, Drapeau says a child may become reliant on having you around to fall back asleep. And you know what a twin bed does to your back.
Here’s some more advice on helping kids through bad dreams.
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