Discipline Can Be Tough. Here’s How to React When…
…a Child is Ignoring Mom and Dad
Kids ignore, say, the call to dinner or to go brush their teeth because they don’t want to stop whatever it is they’re doing. Teach them that a better strategy is to answer: “I’m in the last stage of the game, can I have five more minutes?” Donna M. Volpitta, Ed.D, founder of The Center for Resilient Leadership says that until taught otherwise, kids seem to think that the only option is to stop what they’re doing and come down to eat right away, or to ignore mom and dad so they continue doing what they’re doing. Give your kid a better strategy: communication.
… a Child Is Not Sharing
Why don’t kids share? Usually because they don’t know how. Take this situation: Your kid sees another kid playing with a very desirable toy. She toddles over and tries to take toy. The other kid holds on tight. Crying ensues on both sides. Volpitta says to teach the child who wants the toy to ask first, “Can I have a turn?” The other child will mostly likely say no because she thinks her only option is giving up the toy now. Tell the other child that she’s probably not going to use that toy forever, so instead adults can coach her to say, “I’ll give it to you when I’m done.” Most of the time, according to Volpitta, the child with the toy hands it over within two minutes. It’s called “scripting,” and the result is that each kid now has a verbal strategy for getting (or holding onto) the desired object.
… a Child Is Whining
Whining is a strategy that kids use because it works. Start by telling them that whining isn’t going to work anymore, and — here’s the hard part — stick to it. That means not giving them what they want when they whine for it. Say something like “Because you whined, it’s an automatic no.” But don’t stop there, coach them on a better strategy to get what they want: “Try asking in your regular voice next time.” Of course, using their regular voice doesn’t guarantee that your kids will always get what they want, but Volpitta says that if you stay consistent, they’ll learn fast that whining equals “no.”
You can read the entire story — and find some additional discipline strategies — here.
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Closeness is wonderful. But when you're so close that you lose sight of your individual needs and feelings, boundaries may need to be redrawn.
Write a Wishlist with Your Partner
This is a couple’s therapy tool recommended to us by relationship coach Nicole Elam. After setting aside time individually to write down three things you’d like more or less of in the relationship, take turns sharing. As you share, use “I” statements to express your feelings and describe how you would feel if your wish came true. When you listen, summarize what you heard and describe how your partner would feel if the wish came true.
Why it works: Relationships always have room to grow, but that growth can get stunted if you communicate ineffectively. The wishlist exercise promotes mutual understanding and allows each partner to communicate their needs in a calm way. Sharing how you’d feel if the change occurs also helps the partner visualize what your relationship could be like if you both put in the work!
For some more couple’s therapy exercises to try at home, you can read the entire article here.
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