Most kids experience anxiety from time to time. As parents, it’s natural, and even instinctive, to remove the anxiety triggers altogether. Maybe you let your scared-of-the-dark preschooler sleep with you a few nights a week. Perhaps you have a habit of skipping get-togethers so your child with anxiety won’t have to talk to new people. Well-meaning as these measures may be, such attempts at helping anxious children not only fail to alleviate the problem but can also worsen a child’s anxiety. So, what do you do? One of the best things parents can do is simply be less accommodating. That’s right.
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Often, a parent's attempts to accommodate an anxious child make matters worse. Here's how you can really help.
Two Helpful Ways to Be There For Someone with Anxiety
1. Encourage Thoughts About the Future
Anxiety can trap someone in the now. Helping someone focus on something besides the anxiety-producing situation is a great way to get out of their own heads. “The idea is to shift their thinking away from the current situation that is causing anxiety and getting them to focus on a more pleasant time ahead of them,” says Dr. Prakash Masand, psychiatrist and founder of the Centers of Psychiatric Excellence. “Having something to look forward to is a quick and easy way to improve your mood.” If the person can’t think of an answer, Dr. Masand suggests telling them that the two of you will get together once it’s all over, either to see a movie, go to their favorite restaurant, or do something else you both enjoy. A small gesture of solidarity that can have a big effect.
2. Effectively Emphasize the Positive
This is much, much different than saying, “It could be worse,” “You’ve got so much to be grateful for”, “Look on the bright side.”, or other phrases that could be construed as toxic positivity. To a person with anxiety, hearing those pearls is both invalidating and dismissive because, yeah, it could be worse, but that doesn’t mean that their current reality isn’t challenging and difficult.
According to Samara Quintero, licensed marriage and family therapist at The Psychology Group in Fort Lauderdale, many people default to such clichés when they don’t know what to say. “We try to encourage others by offering positivity, but it can be done incorrectly,” she says. “When it is, it comes off as inauthentic and dismissive, and can leave an individual feeling unheard. Similarly, a comparison like, ‘You think what you’re going through is bad..?’ will leave them feeling as they have no right to be anxious in their particular situation.” Instead, try to talk about the positive without trafficking in cliches.
Here are a few more practical ways to help someone struggling with anxiety.
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Summer may be over, but the kids can still play in the pool. This mini water park from the German toymaker gives kids boundless opportunities for problem-solving and experimentation, as they set people and animals happily afloat on an endlessly looping lazy river. The set includes one adult figure, two child figures, a baby octopus, a fish, and floating rafts and boats.
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The right strategy depends on your timeline and tolerance for risk. Here's what to know.
3 Things Everyone Should Know Before Buying Their First Home
1. It’s okay to buy a starter home.
Some buyers sit on the sidelines while saving up for their dream home. But by continuing to pay rent, you’re giving up your ability to build equity over time.
You may be better off buying a more modest place in the meantime, as long as you’ll be there long enough to justify the closing costs. “Down the road as you’re settled into a long-term situation, you can always embark on a journey to find your forever home,” says Greg Vladi, an agent with Triplemint Real Estate in New York City.
2. Online searching has its limitations.
The emergence of online real estate websites has certainly made home shopping easier for consumers. But in order to make the best decision for you and your family, you really have to get off your couch.
Looking at properties is free – and it’ll give you a much better sense of what each listing has to offer. “You need to get out and see as much as possible,” says Vladi. “Grab a coffee and go to some open houses with your agent.”
3. Going it alone can be costly.
If you like the idea of searching for a home by yourself, well, you’re not alone. It’s easy to be confident in your own abilities at the start of the journey. Once you get down to the nitty-gritty of contract negotiation, however, you may end up with a sudden dose of humility.
Working with a reputable buyer’s agent gives you access to their expertise, not to mention a network of bankers, attorneys and other professionals in their referral network. And because they’re, in effect, paid by the seller, there’s really no extra cost to use their services. “It’s truly a win-win,” says Vladi.
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