I feel like I’m throwing my kids to the wolves. I just don’t know if I’m making the right choice. Is it right to send them back? I think so, but I don’t know how to know for sure. Speak to any parent about sending their kids back to school right now and you’re likely to get some version of uneasy angst. It’s easy to understand why: With COVID and particularly the Delta Variant looming large, and some districts refusing mask mandates, the decision of whether it’s safe to send a child back to school is marked by unknowns. There are no easy answers here but there are a lot of emotions. Learning how to cope with the guilt and ambiguity, take control of the certainties, and model the correct ways to discuss and express emotions with your children, is the best way forward.
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There are lots of emotions and no easy answers. Here are a psychologist and father’s thoughts about how to best deal with the guilt and ambiguity.
3 Ways to Deal with Uncertainty
Staggered by how many unknowns there are floating around these days? Here’s what three therapists do when they’re caught by uncertainty.
1. “Smell the Pizza”
“If my brain is trying to convince me that things are going to be awful, I spend a few minutes looking for proof that things turn out well, like arguing the opposite. This technique helps me realize that although the worst-case scenario is one possibility, it’s not the only possibility. To do this, I practice ‘smelling the pizza.’ It’s an exercise I often teach kids, but it works well for adults too. I take a breath through my nose like I’m smelling a piece of pizza. Then, I breathe out through my mouth like I’m cooling the pizza off. Doing this a few times calms my brain and my body when I’m faced with a stressful situation and helps me feel mentally strong in the face of more uncertainty.” — Amy Morin, Psychotherapist, 42, Marathon, FL
2. I Recall What I’ve Been Through
“In addition to relying on family/community support, I remind myself that I have been through uncertain difficult times before. I then consciously start to recall details of all the good things that in the end came out of going through that time. In other words, what life and God provided to me in those uncertain times, without any effort on my part. I remind myself that this time is no different than the other difficult times, therefore I have faith and conviction that all will work out for my good. Sometimes the hardest yet the most effective thing to do is to surrender to the situation and know that things will work out in the end.” — Parisa Ghanbari, psychotherapist, 33, Toronto, Canada
3. I Accept Help and Support
“I’m a control freak. And like most men, I assume I don’t need help with anything. Just give me a bit of Gorilla Glue, time, and a YouTube video and I’ll take care of it. But the truth is, almost nothing in my life has worked like that. I didn’t invent the glue, someone from YouTube was teaching me, and I didn’t really do any of it alone. When I stop to realize that it’s okay to do my best regardless of the outcome, I let go of the expectation that I have to know exactly what to do at all times. As men, we often carry the burden of providing and protecting our families. I don’t want uncertainty when it comes to those things. So, when I ask my wife to support my struggles and speak with friends when I need help, I’m better able to work through all of the uncertainty that comes my way.” – Rodney Long, Jr., MSSA, LISW, 31, Ohio
Here are a few more ways therapists cope with uncertainty.
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A balance board is a great way to up your core strength and, well, balance. Working on the balance puts the focus on your body — your long forgotten, neglected bod. As you practice, imbalances become clear but you quickly make strides and such maladies as tight hamstrings and achy backs improve. This model from Revolution 101 can withstand up to 400 pounds, is compact enough to slide under a desk or in your closet and won’t scratch your floors as you wobble.
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The Five-Pronged Approach to a Toddler’s Public Meltdown
Public tantrums can feel mortifying. But understand that most of the issue rests firmly in your head. If you prepare correctly and give away most of your craps about what other people think about your toddler’s natural behavior, you’ll be just fine.
1. Make sure your child is both well-fed and well-rested before running errands.
2. Stay cool when your child has a public tantrum. They’re not breaking down on purpose. Your child has no concept of public versus private nor do they understand humiliation.
3. Go over your schedule with the child before heading out. Giving them a game plan will prepare them for the day.
4. Reward your child with some one-on-one time after each completed task.
5. Don’t combat the tantrum with anger. Instead, deflect with humor, stay empathetic, and negotiate when necessary to downplay the meltdown.
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