Sleep is essential to be an even partially functional human. And the more high-quality sleep we get, the more stable, bright, clear-eyed versions of ourselves we become. That’s what our families need us to be. But how does one get great sleep? Or, for those of us juggling it all, how does one fall asleep faster, and therefore get more of it? All good questions. We’ve got some answer we hope will help.
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Want Better Sleep? Adopt This Wind Down Routine
Say it with us: Good sleep requires good structure. One of the most important parts of that for anyone is a proper wind down routine — that is, something you try to do every night to prepare yourself for sleep.
Dr. Abhinav Singh, M.D., the Medical Director for the Indiana Sleep Center, is a huge proponent of a proper wind-down routine. He shared with us his version, which he teaches all his patients, and has dubbed “4-Play”.
As the title suggest, there are four steps in the routine. They are
1. Shower
2. Journal
3. Read
4. Breathe
Each of the activities here are meant to conjure sleep. A warm shower relaxes the body and helps release melatonin; journaling helps get out all the thoughts, lists, errands, and whatever else might be swirling around in your brain; reading focuses and relaxes the mind; and breathing or meditation exercises center the mind preparing it for good rest. Each activity should be done for about 15 minutes. Stick to it as often as you can and good sleep will likely follow.
If you’re struggling to sleep, here are some more tips to keep in mind.
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Pop this $22 pull-up bar up on a doorway in seconds where it supports up to 300 pounds with foam pads to protect your wall and door's finish. It works on doorways from 24 to 32-inches so it’ll fit into narrow bathroom door openings. When you're done working your upper body, you can fix it to the lower part of the doorway and use it for sit-ups or even dips and pushups.
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In "High Conflict", journalist Amanda Ripley explores how we get stuck in high conflict situations — and the tactics that will save us.
3 Personality Types That Create High-Conflict in Relationships
If you or your partner tends to fall into one of these categories, conflict is likely a big part of your marriage. Here's how to define — and help stop — the behavior.
1. The Stonewaller
What Defines Them: Stonewallers tend to shut down during a disagreement, refusing to cooperate, or even communicate. “Psychologically,” explains Dr. Fran Walfish, a family and relationship psychotherapist “stonewalling is a defense used to preserve one’s ego, emotions, and self.”
How to Help: The best way to combat stonewalling is to, as the song goes, try a little tenderness. Use empathy and compassion as a means of breaking through the stubbornness and refusal to cooperate. Rather than chastising someone for stonewalling you, let them know that you understand how they’re feeling.
2. The Verbal Attacker
What Defines Them: When an issue is raised, and you or your partner fall back on judging, blaming, and criticizing, insisting that the fault lies entirely with someone else, then this may be the term that best describes your relationship. “This style is to become self-protective by deflecting responsibility for conflicts,” Walfish says. “They cannot bear to assume accountability, for their egos are too fragile and easily injured.”
How to Help: Counter a verbal attack by leaning into your partner’s arguments. Explain to them that you want to hear what it is you’ve done that’s upset them, but that you don’t wish to be attacked over it. If you’re the attacker, keep the “you” statements out of the discussion and switch to “I” statements. Don’t focus on the action; instead, focus on how it made you feel.
3. The Avoider
What Defines Them: Avoiders will do whatever they have to do to keep from dealing with a confrontation, from offering distracting arguments to flat-out changing the subject. Additionally, Avoiders will deflect and distract during an argument to avoid having to confront the root cause of the problem.
How to Help: If the intensity of an argument is too much for you to deal with, try flipping the script and use a little humor to lighten the mood. Make a joke, even if it’s at your expense. If you know your partner likes to avoid arguments, come forward about it to him or her and let them know that you understand what they’re feeling. It may help your partner if you say, ‘This is hard for me to talk about, too. We can take breaks as often as you need, and take a few minutes to ourselves and cool down, but I need you to stay in this discussion with me.’”
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Have a question? Comment? Want to tell us a no-good terrible story? Or a helpful parenting tip? We want to hear from you (and yes, we may publish your response in an article or forthcoming newsletter).
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