Confidence is a blue-chip trait. Who doesn’t want to be seen as assured and capable during as many interactions as possible? It helps us succeed at work, it helps us succeed in relationships, and it helps our kids act more confidently, too. It’s smart, then, to look for ways in which you might be sabotaging how confidently others view you. One big area? How you communicate. Using certain phrases and even certain words can create obstacles both at work and at home, causing people to lose confidence in you and call your abilities into question. Here’s what to keep in mind.
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Want to be viewed as more self-assured and capable? Avoid using these phrases.
Parents Who Raise Confident Kids Do These Two Things
How do you raise kids who have a strong sense of self-confidence but aren’t arrogant? Remembering these tips is a good start.
1. They Tie Their Child’s Work Ethic to Their Success
Parents should always compliment their kid’s work ethic, even if they don’t get an A on the math test or win the soccer game. When parents praise kids for the effort they’ve made, rather than the results of that effort, kids develop a healthy self-confidence that’s tied to their pride in being a hardworking person. “Kids should be able to say: I’m confident in these areas, because I’ve worked hard. I’ve practiced a lot. I really want to get good at this. That’s a good thing,” says Dr. Roseanne Lesack, a certified child psychologist and director of the Unicorn Children’s Foundation Clinic at Nova Southeastern University in Florida. If parents don’t stress this, kids might forget their worth if they fail at a math test despite their best efforts, which can lead to a crisis of self-confidence.
2. They Are Honest with Their Child About Their Weaknesses
Parents who want to raise confident kids (who don’t become arrogant jerks) don’t lie to their kids about where they need to work harder. Now, it’s not like you should walk around and say, “You’re bad at math!” That could become a self-fulfilling prophecy. But you might consider saying: “Some people need to practice more and work harder at math, and that’s okay.” Kids who know that they might have to put in more effort than their peers also continue to tie their self-worth to their work ethic, and don’t have an unearned sense of confidence. “Kids also need to know what they don’t know,” says Dr. Lesack. “You don’t always want your kid to be confident. In fact, you want the opposite. Because you don’t want them to be cocky.”
Here's some more advice on raising confident kids.
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It's not easy. But it is necessary — for you and your family. This advice can help.
3 Signs It’s Time to Stop Seeing a Parent Friend
We know, we know: Making friends as an adult is hard. But you need to call it quits if one of these signs is apparent.
1. You’ve Outgrown Them
Friendships often revolve around a particular shared experience or shared state of life — like having kids on the same sports team or attending the same daycare. “As our lives evolve and change, we may find ourselves having less in common with some friends, and more in common with others, and that’s okay,” says therapist Sharon Kaye O’Connor. Remember: Like the rest of life, friendship can be fluid and ever-changing. “Over time, some friendships grow closer, and others grow more distanced or fade entirely.”
2. They’re Draining
Even if you’re not the most social, outgoing person, it’s not healthy to feel exhausted every single time you hang out with someone. Take that constant energy drain as a sign it’s time to re-evaluate whether a friendship serves you. Maybe the other person’s personality irritates you, or maybe they’re always worried about something, and the anxiety rubs off on you. In other cases, O’Connor says, your own life circumstances — marriage issues, a busy schedule, a kid that won’t nap — might warrant taking stock of friendships.
3. You Don’t Agree with Their Parenting Style
Most people want the best for their kids, and they parent accordingly. But that doesn’t mean you have to agree with, or expose yourself, to those methods. According to Grace Dowd, a Texas-based therapist, it’s perfectly reasonable to dip out of a relationship if you just can’t get behind another parent’s approach.
It’s probably not such a big deal when your kids are infants, and you differ about whether they should cry it out in their crib — those issues don’t come up when you’re together, and your kid is too young to be affected by another parent’s views. “But if another parent has a fundamentally different approach to discipline, and they talk to their kids in a way that makes you or your children uncomfortable, you might want to phase out the relationship,” says Dowd.
Nodding your head? Here are a few more reasons it might be time to call it quits.
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The brain develops faster through the first 1,000 days of life than at any other time. Here's what you need to know.
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How the brain develops in those early years lays the foundation for future learning, behavior, and relationships with other people.
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