So, your partner would appreciate it if you were more affectionate. That’s not really your thing. Here’s what you can do.
What True Appreciation Really Looks Like
We all crave appreciation. But most of the time that appreciation can go unspoken. One of the most important things you can do in a relationship is make the unsaid apparent. There are scores of opportunities for validating and showing appreciation for your partner. None of them take much extra time, but they provide a big return, and they look something like these.
In the morning: Whether it’s during the commute or once you’re at work, text your partner, “Great job getting the kids out the door.” Even with the best routine and most calm demeanor, mornings can switch to pure chaos and survival mode. This simple message can give a jumpstart to the person’s day, because, it lets them know “maybe I’m doing a pretty decent job." It also involves a basic rule of validation: You give it without expecting or needing a reply.
After a child's meltdown: During such moments, and really during any situation, the same four words work. “You handled that well.” But here’s where things can break down and why no words get said. You don’t agree with every step your partner took. Fine. You don’t have to in order to speak. You have two other options. “I wouldn’t have done it that way, but that was a good way.” Or, “You really tried hard. That was impressive.” Recognizing effort is agnostic and usually well-received.
In the middle of the day: Has it been a little while since you had time alone time? When the two of you are apart, text, “I’m getting takeout. After the kids are asleep, we’re having dinner. Just the two of us.” Any words that say, I’m thinking about you are validating. But with jobs and children, it’s easy to put the relationship into a perpetual holding pattern. A comment like this puts it on the front burner and sends the clear message: I don’t take you for granted. I see you. I notice you.
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The Pikler Triangle is a toddler climbing toy that can be a safe and controlled foray into what child development experts call “risky play.” This one is ideal for beginner walkers and explorers. It’s made from beechwood and has short dowel rods specifically made for little hands. It's also got a hefty weight limit of 150 pounds.
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One in four men don't have a primary care doctor in the U.S. This needs to change.
Two Big Signs It Might Be Time to Find a New Pediatrician
- It’s Not a Collaborative Relationship
If you frequently feel your pediatrician is making health decisions for you, or that you frequently leave the office feeling like your voice or opinions don’t matter, you might be better off with a different doctor.
Yes: Some medical situations require specific approaches, and your doctor’s the expert. But Wanderman says there’s more gray area in pediatrics than you might think, and a good pediatrician should collaborate with a family to determine the best path forward for their unique situation.
For example, maybe your child’s ear infection doesn’t need to be treated immediately with antibiotics, or you can safely delay a medical procedure without major health consequences for your child. A good pediatrician should lay out the options, then help you make a choice.
“It’s so important that you and your child’s doctor can have trust-based discussions,”says Stanford Children’s Health pediatrician David Wanderman, MD. “It should be a collaborative conversation, where you come to a mutual agreement that makes most sense for your family.”
- You Find Yourself Seeking Medical Advice Elsewhere
Since trust is the bedrock of a healthy doctor-patient relationship, you want to make sure you trust your child’s doctor to do what’s best for your child. One sign you might not trust your doctor’s expertise or care for your child is that you consistently seek second opinions about the pediatrician’s advice. Maybe you talk to another doctor, ask a friend, or resort to Dr. Google. None of these is a good sign.
“Your pediatrician should be top of your list for trusted sources for medical and child-based decisions,” Wanderman says. “If you’re seeking out other sources to make that decision, then maybe your pediatrician isn’t the best fit.”
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One of the biggest things I’ve learned since my first foray into the area of men’s work is that I’m not the only man deeply struggling.
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