3 Phrases That Make You Sound Like a Passive Aggressive Jerk
1. “I don’t mean to be rude…”
If you preface a statement with this qualifier, you’re being rude. It’s a defense tactic designed to offset the rude remark and put the ball in the other person’s court. That way, if they’re offended by what you said, you’ve given yourself an out. “It means you are knowingly being rude but want to take away the other person’s right to respond accordingly,” says leadership coach and author Suzanne Wylde. “Reconsider saying anything at all, or if you need to then find a way to say it respectfully.”
2. “That was a surprisingly good decision…”
Adding “surprisingly” or “shockingly,” or anything in that vein immediately turns a positive sentiment into a backhanded compliment. This creates confusion and conflict in the person to whom you’re speaking and will only undermine any good intentions you may have had.
3. “If that’s what you want to do…”
This is a dangerous one, as it opens the person you’re speaking to to entrapment. They might think that you’re giving them permission to do what they want to do, but the reality is far different. “The first word in the sentence really shows a connotation of disagreement,” says Keischa Pruden, a licensed therapist in North Carolina. “Instead say, ‘I don’t agree with your decision, but I will go along with it.’ Another option is, ‘I really don’t want to do that. Can we do X instead?’”
Here are some more passive aggressive phrases to be on the lookout for.
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