Two Harsh Truths About Raising Siblings Parents Need to Know
Harsh Truth #1: Siblings Are Different People with Different Needs
Parents make honest attempts to treat siblings as unique, but many times the considerations of their individuality end at the superficial: kid A likes the color green, while kid B prefers orange. The problem is that considering a child’s differences should go as deep as routine and parenting style, and not just which superhero they prefer.
Yes, tailoring discipline tactics, bedtimes, and emotional support tactics to individual children make parenting more complicated. But in a very real way, this kind of individual concern for each child can also make parenting much easier. Because while one child may respond to one type of discipline, the same tactic may be unreasonable for the other child and make behavior worse.
That said, it’s important that both children feel as if the treatment they are receiving is fair. Communication goes a long way to making sure everyone knows why there are differences. And as long as parents remain consistent, in the love they show for each child, they’ll avoid the pitfalls of favoritism.
Harsh Truth #2: Parents Normally Favor One Sibling
While it true that parents will want to show equity in the love they give their kids, some parents may develop a favorite. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. Awkward? Sure. Bad? Depends on how a parent acts on it.
According to a recent survey, some 23 percent of parents admit to having a favorite child. The reason for that favoritism? Ease of parenting. But again, that could be due to a misalignment of parent tactics to temperament more than anything else.
The child who is generally favored by parents who admit having a favorite is often the younger child. That makes sense considering younger siblings are often more compliant as older children become more independent. But considering how common it appears to be to have a favorite child, parents should simply take a breath and release the shame. Recognizing favoritism and being honest about the inclination toward inequality may allow parents to redouble efforts to give love to both of their children equally.
Here are some more harsh truths about raising siblings that all parents should understand.
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3 Pieces of Marriage Advice to Memorize
We asked a variety of therapists for the one piece of marriage advice they think is the most important. Here are some of their answers
1. Be Vulnerable
“The best advice I offer is deceptively simple: be vulnerable. Whenever you are sad, angry, scared or lonely — share your feelings. Be specific about what you feel, why you think you feel that way. By doing so, you open a door for genuine connection. It gives your spouse an opportunity to step up, to be there for you, to get through something together. That makes for a true partnership.” — Susannah Ludwig, Relationship Coach.
2. Fix. Don’t Throw Away
“‘When something’s not working, fix it. Don’t throw it away.’ One of the reasons why marriages break down and end up in divorce is that couples easily give up on their relationship. No marriage is perfect, and there will always be 101 reasons to give up. But if you want your marriage to work, always look for a way to fix things instead of just throwing them away.” — Andriy Bogdanov, CEO and Co-Founder of Online Divorce.
3. The Little Things Are Big Things
“Little things mean a lot: Remember the small things that make a big difference. Little things that you did at the beginning get gobbled up in living-together familiarity, even though they matter more in marriage. Say please, thankyou, excuse me. Smile at simple times, like when you’re driving someplace together, or when watching TV. Touch each other – like with a light touch of the hand at dinner, softly brushing the check. rubbing his/her back while doing a chore. — Annmarie Kelly, Relationship Expert and author of The Five-Year Marriage
Here’s what other therapists say is the important marriage advice couples should follow.
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I’d mistaken his actions for a lack of empathy. But he was subconsciously crying out to be heard.
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