The delta variant is on the rise. Fear. Back-to-school is back-to-being questioned. Anxiety. Work is trying to put pressure on a return-to-normal policy. Stress. Your self-care routine has disappeared. Worry. Yes, it’s all piling up right now and it probably feels like there’s nothing you can do. Well, there is one thing, a silver bullet solution that you might not want to hear right now. A professional therapist can help. The problem? From price to baggage to time, there seem to be as many excuses as reasons to go. Don’t let them stop you. Therapy works, and it’s time you sought out some sit-down time for yourself.
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Depressed? Anxious? Fearful? A therapist can help you sort it all out. Here's how to find the right one.
“Honey, I Think You Should Consider Therapy”
How do you convince someone to go to therapy? Keep these five tips in mind.
1. Be honest
The first thing to know: Being honest and loving means a lot more than saying the right thing. If you don’t know how to approach the topic, just say so. Your honesty will set the stage for your loved one to share their feelings about their struggles and their thoughts about seeing a therapist.
2. Ask for permission first
Telling someone they might need therapy can catch them off guard. That’s an easy way to incite defensiveness, so do your best to ease into the conversation. Choose a time (and place) where both of you can have a focused, honest conversation. And rather than diving right in, come at it from a place of respect.
3. Use “I” statements
Once you’re sitting down with your partner or friend, gently (and lovingly) share your concerns. Share what you’ve noticed and ask if it’s okay to offer some potential solutions (including therapy). To keep your loved one engaged, Kaveh suggests that classic advice: Using “I” statements. For example, instead of saying “You’ve been very irritable lately,” try saying “I’m worried about your recent irritability.”
4. Stick to facts
As you open up about your concerns, it might be helpful to give concrete examples – especially if whomever you’re speaking to isn’t self-aware enough to see their own issues. Facts are also more convincing than feelings. Try saying something like, “I noticed you’ve been drinking a lot more than usual because you’re stressed at work, and I’m concerned about you. Have you considered talking to someone about what’s going on?”
5. Show you care
Throughout the conversation, tense moments might pop up — and that’s okay. Even if your loved one becomes defensive or dismissive, stay focused on how much you care for them and love them. Remind them of some personal goals they may have –– whether succeeding at work or being a great parent –– and share how you want them to achieve those things.
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This comfy, roomy hammock can hold up to 400 pounds, features pockets to keep your phone and drink handy, and has two pillows make it easy to share space with someone else. What’s more, the contoured center is more stable than traditional spreader bar-style hammocks.
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How to Respond to Kids Statements About Boys, Girls, and Gender Creativity
Young kids are trying to figure out gender. Here are three common statements — and how to respond the right way.
1. “He Looks Like a Girl”
The Issue: Saying that a boy looks like a girl or vice versa assumes that there are certain ways boys and girls should and should not look. Children who believe this may bully kids that break from the mold. They’re also unlikely to explore their own style beyond what they think they’re supposed to wear and do. In other words, they’re already limiting themselves based on their gender.
The Response: “Why do you think that person looks like a girl?”
Maybe your kid thinks a boy looks like a girl because they have long hair. Pointing out male characters or real-life men and boys they know with long hair can help the child realize that long locks aren’t just for girls.
2. “Is That a Boy or a Girl?”
The Issue: No one likes to be the butt of this question. But if your kid is asking, they have a genuine curiosity. They’re trying to learn the gender rules, but they’re stuck in thinking in two clear boxes of boys and girls. In reality, not everyone fits into those boxes.
The Response: “I don’t know. You would have to ask them.”
This answer makes it clear you can’t guess what someone’s gender is based on appearances. Because gender identity (what’s inside) may not be the same as gender expression (what’s outside). Assuming it is can be harmful.
3. “Princess Dresses Are for Girls.”
The Issue: On a larger scale, this is the sort of thinking that makes girls believe they can’t be scientists or boys believe they can’t be ballet dancers. But even when you’re just talking about clothes, kids are a lot healthier when they’re allowed to explore their gender expression creatively, Ehrensaft says. “Kids do better when they are free to express their gender as they know it to be, and they do worse when you stop them from doing that,” she says.
The Response: “Actually, princess dresses are for anyone who wants to wear them.” Sometimes you have to help kids realize their own stereotypes. If they push back when you insist anyone can wear a princess dress, that’s when you start asking questions to find why they think that.
Want more insight into how to respond to children’s questions and comments about gender? You can read more here.
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Could I be the kind of father who edited expectations about masculinity outside of the safety and ease of my home, as well as in it?
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After my own long, painful journey, I wasn’t sure that raising my son into the man I had struggled to become would serve him throughout childhood, maybe even adolescence.
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