Being a good parent is a balancing act. Not too prescriptive, not too loose. Present, but not hovering. Affectionate, but not smothering. Funny, the same could be said to being a good partner. But we usually put kids first, partner second (or third, or fourth; they’ll understand that you have work deadlines and friends to see). We hate to break it to you, but your priorities are moving in the wrong direction. Take a moment — the time it will take you to read this newsletter — to make an about-face and put your partner first. Everything else will quickly fall into place.
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5 Small, Nice Ways to Be a Better Partner Right Now
1. Practice responding rather than reacting
These days we’re all faced with a vast number of stressors from all areas of life. When amped up, it’s easier to fall into bad habits and, say, become defensive when having discussions with your partner. A good tactic: “Take a deep breath and give yourself a beat to answer back when you’re feeling activated,” says therapist, author, and speaker Dr. Lauren Cook. “This will help you avoid saying something you regret.
2. Try the compliment sandwich
Knowing how to argue well is a defining characteristic of good relationships. One tactic that more couples should use more often, per Relationship Coach Teresa Lodato is the compliment sandwich: Whenever you give criticism, compliment something positive about your partner, provide a brief critique, and then provide another compliment. This softens the blow and makes it obvious that you are noticing the good things, not just the bad.
3. Make household equity a priority
Many men do not recognize the hidden labor that women take on their households — often little, crucial tasks that add up to a massive burden. It’s important to make this a priority and even the load. “Ask your partner about the household equity, and then listen to their answer,” suggests Bognar. “Look for opportunities to pitch in, and don’t be afraid to do even more than your share.”
4. Practice taking the lead
“If you’re the follower, practice being the initiator at least once a week,” advises Dr. Cook. “Whether that includes making dinner, inviting intimacy, or giving a phone call, be the one that gives rather than receives.”
5. Be intentional about affirming your partner more.
Compliments are great. But this extends beyond that, to the deeper more intentional affirmations specific to your partner, says psychotherapist Gina Handley. She offers an example “When I watch how you consistently reach out with compassion to the people in your world, I am in awe. Thank you for being such a warm human being and for challenging me to be better in this area, as well.” While you might not say this exact thing, it immediately tells are partner that you’re noticing and appreciating what they do. Who wouldn’t want to hear something this specific and this warm more often?
Sometimes the best way to support someone is to try to be a better partner in general. Here are more ways to do just that.
As a parent, it’s natural to seek control over situations. It helps us maintain order. But are you too controlling in your marriage? Here are 8 subtle signs to be on the lookout for.
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This portable swing set connects between two trees with a main line from which a series of attachments hang. Younger kids can swing, while older ones try their American Ninja moves out on monkey bars and gym rungs. The attachments, as well as the placement, can be changed up, keeping things interesting. With a max rating of 250 pounds, it can hold a whole party of kids — or you.
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Anything by Katherine Paterson
Remember how much you loved Bridge to Terabithia in 4th grade? The author, Katherine Paterson, is still writing a ton of fantastic books.
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The Rugrats are back, baby
One of the smartest, kindest, and best animated shows of all time has recently made a massive comeback. We talked to the whole cast of the new Rugrats to figure out why this show works on every single generation.
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New Weezer, No Worries
Honestly, the new metal-themed Weezer album, Van Weezer, is actually good, when the turn-it-up-loud, no-more-f***s-to-give mood catches you.
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When I had my first son, I stopped ‘playing’ in order to be ‘serious’ about being an adult and a father. My son didn’t deserve that.
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Have a question? Comment? Want to tell us a no-good terrible story? Or a helpful parenting tip? We want to hear from you (and yes, we may publish your response in an article or forthcoming newsletter).
Send your thoughts to [email protected].
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