Many boys today know what ultimately gives them greater emotional resiliency: a masculine identity that permits access to the full range of their human emotions. But this isn’t the script we — parents, teachers, coaches and even the male friends they look up to — hand them, because we fear raising ‘incompetent’ men. We must, writer Andrew Reiner argues, raise boys in a way that anticipates or meets their most immediate emotional needs.
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This is what it takes to raise compassionate, resilient men who are accountable to themselves and to others.
3 Things Boys Need to Hear From Their Father
1. Kind Words About Their Partner
“I love you” is good. But it’s not all that matters. Drop in examples of why you love them to make it better. When you’re getting ready to go out, it could be, “Yes, Mom filled up the water bottles. She’s always two steps ahead. She’s so great.” Or if you’re all playing hoops, and she’s not a baller, find a moment and say, “You are the absolute Hustle Queen.” The is that life is better with her.
2. Admissions of Failure and Frustration. But Also a Framework for Fixing Problems.
Whether it’s taking a walk or fixing a bike, something will not go according to plan. You might want to scream and swear, but instead start with, “Oh man, I screwed that up.” Showing frustration is fine, but it’s what you do next that resonates. Talk out your thought process. “I could try X, but that might not work because of Y, so maybe we’ll go this way.”
3. An Explanation of Emotions
Expressing happiness is good; expressing worry is especially good. You want to show that vulnerability happens. Your son, for instance, will deal with stress during his life. Because you were not stoic and modeled the proper behavior, it won’t feel like something foreign or wrong.
For more phrases, read on.
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We don’t have to catch all of them in order to have a good relationship. We just need to catch enough so that we make our partner feel important and prioritized.
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Dune (before the movie sneaks up on you!)
In the world of Dune, they have a saying, “fear is the mind killer.” You might be afraid of starting Dune because it’s kind of a long book, but it’s really good! And, you’re gonna want to have read it before October. So, start now.
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New Netflix He-Man Trailer Is Is All Up In Your Grayskull
Did you know that Kevin Smith has written a new He-Man and the Masters of the Universe TV series? That’s right, it’s coming to Netflix on July 23, and Mark Hamill is playing the voice of Skeletor. The trailer is nuts. Watch it here.
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It’s Time To Crank Black Sabbath With the Kids
This 1970 Black Sabbath album is basically just one long anthem for angsty preschoolers. The edgiest Sabbath album is also the one your kids might love the most. Well, it worked for this dad, anyway.
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