Fatherly Newsletter

Ever feel like, well, you’re just winging this whole parenting thing? Join the club. That’s something a lot of parents can relate to at one time or another. Raising kids throws too many situations thrown at one person to really make them 100-percent confident in their ability all the time. Show us a man who has never doubted his parenting skills, and we’ll bring a fire extinguisher. Because his khakis are definitely on fire.

But for anyone who feels unqualified in their role as a parent, who has a lingering sense that, at any moment, someone’s going to tap them on the shoulder and say, “Hey buddy, the jig is up,” it’s smart to take action to rid yourself of that feeling, also known as imposter syndrome. Because guess what? In some sense, we’re all faking it until we make it. That’s the gig.

“When we find ourselves faced with any significant new challenge, we can have doubts that make us feel like we don’t belong or like we’re not up to the task,” clinical therapist Paul Greene, PhD, told Fatherly. “Parenting in particular is fertile ground for imposter syndrome because it’s the biggest responsibility most people have. Imposter syndrome tends to rear its head when we’re trying to do something that feels consequential or impressive to us. And what could be more consequential than raising a child?”

One way to help avoid this gnawing feeling? Talk to your partner. Praise their efforts. Give them reassurance and ask them to do the same for you. And you both would do well to set reasonable, realistic expectations for one another. Everyone’s going through a hell of a lot right now. The last thing we need is to be our own worst enemy.