TRUMPMENISTAN

Donald Trump is reaching for immortality in the way aspiring dictators always have: By designing an imperial city.

• Travel with me, dear What A Day reader, on a nostalgic trip to Turkmenistan, 20 years ago. The capital of Ashgabat is dominated by a $12 million towering golden statue of brutal dictator, Saparmurat Niyazov, which rotates on a pedestal to always greet the sun. The leader’s cult of personality has grown so over-the-top that seemingly everything has been renamed in his honor: Cities, schools, airports, months, days of the week, bodies of water, a meteorite. To get a driver’s license, you have to pass a test about his book. He has outlawed his pet peeves, including beards, lip syncing and gold teeth.

• President Donald Trump now seems to be channeling his inner Niyazov. His latest vision: a 250-foot triumphal arch that towers over the Lincoln Memorial from across Washington’s Potomac River, and stands almost as tall as the U.S. Capitol. The height is no coincidence: It’s an homage to America’s 250th anniversary, the Washington Post reports. This would also be the tallest arch in the world. Arc de Triomphe, meet your gauche American cousin: L’Arc de Trump.

• The golden arch isn’t the only seismic change coming to the nation’s capital. Trump’s team is closing the Kennedy Center for Performing Arts for two years for “renovations,” after scores of musicians canceled their shows in protest. It’s unclear what Trump has in mind. Will there only be new marble armrests? Or will the historic center get bulldozed, in an East Wing-style makeover? Will there be a bust of Trump, next to JFK’s? Oh, and don’t forget the 89,000-square-foot ballroom tacked onto the White House.

• Like Niyazov, the president loves propaganda — and seeing his name everywhere. One of the final showings at the Kennedy Center (which Trump’s lackeys have already renamed after him) was the widely-panned “Melania” documentary. One scathing review of the film: “Melania’s movie is two hours of North Korea-style propaganda with a dash of Ralph Lauren.” In Florida, Trump is likely to have an airport renamed in his honor, and he already has a whole street. Don’t forget those Trump Accounts, the Donald J. Trump Institute of Peace, and the Trump-class battleships.

Trump wants a place in history. He also wants his political influence to last for generations.

• Since taking office last year, Trump has been working hard to fundraise — for his legacy. He has amassed $375 million between various campaign accounts, an incredible cash stash that he’ll use to boost allies in the midterms and possibly even the next presidential election.

• To put that into perspective: The Republican National Committee ended last year with $95 million in the bank. The Democratic National Committee has only $14 million… and $17 million in debt, according to campaign finance disclosures.

• Even without the political war chest, Trump is working to keep his family and ideology in power. Days before Trump’s inauguration, his family sold 49 percent of their new crypto company to Abu Dhabi royals, according to the Wall Street Journal. After the $500 million investment, Trump sold the UAE advanced artificial intelligence chips, which the country has long sought, despite national security concerns. “Mind blowing corruption,” Sen Chris Murphy (D-CT) tweeted.

• Trump’s quest to reshape the country in his image for years to come can be explained, at least partially, by a saying that his father instilled in him: “To retire is to expire.” As Eric Trump recently explained to New York Magazine, with an extremely medically dubious comparison: “You’ve seen a lot of people who smoke cigarettes until they are 95 years old and the day they give up smoking, all of a sudden it’s the end. I don’t think my father could give up working.”

As much as Trump accomplishes, keep in mind: The next Democratic president might take a wrecking ball, literally or metaphorically, to Trump’s megalomania.

FIVE ALARM FILE

There’s so much fallout from the latest tranche of Epstein files, it’s hard to keep up. Here’s the SparkNotes edition.

Doctor Backlash: CBS cut ties with wellness influencer Peter Attia, only days after the network announced that he would join as a contributor. One email to Jeffrey Epstein, found in the files, shows that Attia joked that female genitalia is “indeed, low carb. Still awaiting results on gluten content, though.” Attia posted a lengthy response online.

International Fallout: Former U.K. Ambassador to the U.S. Peter Mandelson resigned from the Labour Party after emails showed that Mandelson leaked high-level government plans to Epstein, who had also paid him $75,000. Emails also revealed Epstein’s relationships with prominent Norwegian politicians, including the crown princess.

A Former President: Epstein confidante Ghislaine Maxwell sent a message to a redacted email address labeled “WJC” (a staffer for former President Bill Clinton, according to CNN) complimenting the recipient for being “hung like a horse.” The House is gearing up to hold both Bill and Hillary in contempt if they can’t work out some kind of deal to answer a subpoena over ties to Epstein.

Also, Trump threatened to sue comedian Trevor Noah after he made a joke about Epstein at the Grammys.

“Song of the year, congratulations Billie Eilish, wow. That is a Grammy that every artist wants, almost as much as Trump wants Greenland,” Noah said at the awards show last night. “Which makes sense, I mean, because Epstein’s island is gone, he needs a new one to hang out with Bill Clinton.”

WHAT ELSE? 👀

The government remains partially shut down, as House Speaker Mike Johnson struggles to pass a funding package amid pushback from Republicans and Democrats. Donald Trump rebuffed some GOP lawmakers’ push to include a bill to require citizenship to vote. “There can be NO CHANGES at this time,” the president wrote on social media. Will the House pass a spending plan by tomorrow, as Johnson predicted over the weekend? TBD.

A whistleblower complaint against Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard is so highly classified that the administration has struggled to find a way to share it with Congress, according to the Wall Street Journal. “A cloak-and-dagger mystery reminiscent of a John le Carré novel is swirling around the complaint, which is said to be locked in a safe,” the outlet writes. “Disclosure of its contents could cause ‘grave damage to national security,’ one official said.”

ProPublica named the two Border Patrol officers who shot Alex Pretti, the 37-year-old ICE nurse, in Minneapolis last month. The Trump administration has refused to release their names. One of the officers recently became a gun enthusiast, with a collection of 25 rifles, pistols and shotguns, his ex-wife told the outlet.

Former Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene is still seeing red, after retiring from Congress and becoming disillusioned with Donald Trump. “MAGA is — I think people are realizing it was all a lie. It was a big lie for the people,” Greene said in a recent YouTube interview. We coulda told you that a long time ago, but at least you got there eventually! Reminds me of this recent SNL skit, about a mom confessing she realized Trump is actually terrible.

Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow, which means we’re allegedly in for six more weeks of winter. Apparently, Phil only has a 35% accuracy rate, which pales in comparison to his peers. “That’s 17th among the more than 70 meteorological groundhogs that show up on this day each year,” Quartz writes. “Staten Island Chuck is the field leader, with an 85% accuracy rate. Admittedly, Chuck’s only been at this since 1981, versus Phil’s first appearance at Gobbler’s Knob in 1887.” Chuck also saw his shadow today, tragically.

LIGHT AT THE END… ☀️

Every federal agent in Minneapolis will receive a body camera soon, DHS Secretary Kristi Noem announced. Once funding is available, agents nationwide will receive one, she added. They should’ve had cameras in the first place. But better late than never, I guess.

Liam Ramos, the 5-year-old detained by ICE in Minnesota, and his father were released from a Texas detention center. “Liam is now home. With his hat and his backpack. Thank you to everyone who demanded freedom for Liam,” Rep. Joaquin Castro (D-TX) tweeted. “We won’t stop until all children and families are home.”

Celebrities slammed ICE at the Grammys last night, wearing pins and making political statements. “Before I say thanks to God, I’m going to say ICE out,” said pop star Bad Bunny, as he accepted an award for Best Música Urbana Album. “We’re not savage, we’re not animals, we’re not aliens. We are humans and we are Americans.” His Super Bowl halftime show is gonna be en fuego.

Ed Martin, an ultra-sycophantic Trump crony who has been serving as the president’s roving enforcer at DOJ, was stripped of most of his responsibilities today. The reason for his demotion is unclear… but we’ll take it!

Air Force veteran Taylor Rehmet, a Democrat, easily won his race for Texas state senate, sending shockwaves through the Republican Party. This was a district Trump won by 17 points! Could this be an omen for the midterms, or even for Texas? We’ll see. You might remember the winning candidate from that ad we scooped a few weeks back.

A Christian substitute teacher in Maryland did not have her rights violated when the school required her to use a transgender student’s preferred pronouns, a federal court ruled.

There’s no shortage of hilarious reviews panning “Melania,” but this one takes the cake for me: “It’s perhaps unfair for me to call Melania the worst film ever made, since I haven’t seen every film ever made. But I have seen Porky’s 3, Police Academy 6, and many Rob Schneider vehicles, so you know I mean business when I say it’s the worst film I’ve ever seen,” Matt Labash wrote.

A new book about Sen. Bernie Sanders’s (I-VT) early career is coming out soon, and one Daily Mail headline about his youthful exploits is… um, raising eyebrows. Apparently he built his own Orgone energy accumulator, for reasons that are NSFW. This pseudoscientific shed-like structure was also tested by Albert Einstein, Norman Mailer and William Burroughs, according to the author.