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Dear Denmark: You’ve been a great friend and ally for over 200 years, and we look forward to working together in the future to do even more together.
Unfortunately, our president is a moron. One who is creepily obsessed with Greenland, even though he likely couldn’t find it on a map (and it’s REALLY big). And one who seems hellbent on insulting and threatening your leaders and people alike on a regular basis.
Rest assured, the American people still love you and greatly value your friendship. And we are doing everything we can to keep this moron from doing moronic things, and get a new and better president as soon as possible.
Sincerely,
America

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