Fire Kash Patel for his corruption and incompetence immediately!

VIDEO OF THE DAY: Kash Patel exposed by his own agents in bombshell report
A devastating, 115-page report just dropped that exposes exactly what FBI agents think about their hapless director. This isn't a partisan hit job from Democrats, rather, it's the product of an alliance of active duty and retired agents and analysts. The report blasted Kash Patel's leadership as "dismal" and warned that the agency has become "all fucked up" and a "rudderless ship" under his guidance. Roll the tape for more embarrassing details on what it looks like when a self-important podcaster is given the reins at a federal law enforcement agency he has no business leading.

Trump embarks on deranged, hours-long, late-night posting spree
The MAGA cult leader's latest marathon grievance-airing session on Truth Social lasted nearly five hours and consisted of more than 160 posts, including a doozy from InfoWars' chief hemorrhoid Alex Jones about Barack Obama somehow secretly pardoning people behind Joe Biden's back using his autopen. Super normal stuff from our super normal president. Maybe that mystery MRI was to check for sprained thumbs?

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MAGA extremist and billionaire lapdog Greg Abbott launches re-election run
Gina Hinojosa for Texas: Greg Abbott has become a national figure for his astonishing mismanagement, breathtaking corruption, and shocking cruelty. He’s the man who stripped Medicaid from two millions Texans, most of them kids. He’s the man who has spent years trying to privatize our public school systems and funneled a billion taxpayer dollars into the pockets of his donors. He’s the man who refused to use state money to feed kids during the SNAP freeze. Former school board president Gina Hinojosa is running to put an end to Abbott’s depravity once and for all. Will you chip in to help her take advantage of Abbott’s 78% (!) disapproval rating?

Pete Hegseth throws admiral under the bus, says Navy leader ordered boat survivors killed
For a couple of Real Tough Guys™ who love them some Real Tough Guys™ talk, Donald Trump and Secretary of War Crimes Pete Hegseth sure are scrambling to distance themselves from their own incredibly illegal, macho-man policies. First it was Trump doing the distancing from Pete, claiming he wouldn't have ordered the so called "double-tap" second strike targeting two survivors of an initial missile attack on suspected drug-runners in the Caribbean Sea. Now we have Pete passing the buck further down the line to the admiral he definitely gave the "kill everybody" orders to. Now is probably a good time for a quick callback to Hegseth's 2024 book, "The War on Warriors," where he openly questioned the wisdom of abiding by the Geneva Conventions and claimed doing so was akin to "fighting with one hand behind our back." Hegseth wrote, "[H]ow can anyone write universal rules about killing other people in open conflict? Especially against enemies who fight like savages, disregarding human life in every single instance," before suggesting the United States should just follow its "own rules" and disregard "international tribunals" altogether. But sure, let's definitely point the finger at a subordinate now that the heat's on. Even Fox News' Brit Hume wasn't buying Hegseth's bullshit attempt to both praise and blame Admiral Frank "Mitch" Bradley, writing: "How to point the finger at someone while pretending to support him."

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IRS agents will be required to watch pornographic content on OnlyFans to determine if content fits "no tax on tips" criteria
"How was work today, honey?" just got a lot more interesting for a whole bunch of IRS agents...

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Megyn Kelly says she wants to watch boat strike targets "suffer" and "bleed out"
Megyn Kelly's journey from quasi-serious journalist to lurid provocateur has been a particularly pathetic one, and if you feel a little dumber after hearing about her latest hot take, we humbly apologize. But it must be noted, the former Fox News talking head is stooping to remarkable new lows in a desperate bid to stay competitive in the far right's never-ending race to the bottom. While actual journalists, pundits, and policy makers are discussing the unprecedented implications of a sitting secretary of Defense ordering subordinates to commit war crimes against suspected drug-runners, Kelly is claiming with a straight face that any criticism of the extrajudicial murder strikes in the open seas is clearly fake, and that, in fact, our military should be doing more to drag out the pain and suffering of the victims before they actually die. "I would like Trump and Hegseth to make it last a long time so that they lose a limb and bleed out a little," Kelly quipped. Serious question: what the fuck is wrong with these people?

Kristi Noem urges Trump to issue "travel ban on every damn country that's been flooding our nation with killers, leeches"
Not to be outdone by the likes of Megyn Kelly for Worst Person of the Week™, Homeland Security Sec. Kristi Noem took to social media to ratchet up her own raging xenophobia several hundred degrees, urging Donald Trump to institute "a full travel ban on every damn country that’s been flooding our nation with killers, leeches, and entitlement junkies." Gestapo Barbie continued, "Our forefathers built this nation on blood, sweat, and the unyielding love of freedom — not for foreign invaders to slaughter our heroes, suck dry our hard-earned tax dollars, or snatch the benefits owed to AMERICANS. WE DON'T WANT THEM. NOT ONE." Good grief, where to begin? The bit about foreign invaders? Our mythical forefathers? Real quick, exactly who did the bleeding and sweating for centuries on end to help build this country? And what exactly compelled them? Unyielding love of freedom or the unyielding LACK of freedom? Kristi can kick and scream till the cows come home, but she cannot rewrite American history. Ours is a (very messy) story about immigrants (and immigrant slaves), written by immigrants of all stripes and the descendants that sprang from them, and it will continue to be so long after she's fired off her last tweet or shot her last puppy.

Women’s March publicly shames ICE agents with a brutal new ad
Women’s March: Women’s March has had enough of the brutality and the violence and is now speaking directly to the people inside the system — ICE agents and recruits — who have the power to stop participating in Trump’s unconstitutional immigration crackdowns. In a chilling and immensely powerful new ad, Women’s March makes a plea to the humanity of the people behind all this violence in urging them to stop and reminds them that though they can hide from us with their masks, they can’t hide from their neighbors, their kids, or from their own consciences. Click here to watch the ad and then make sure to share it far and wide!

Nancy Mace tries to take credit for $195 million federal grant she fought tooth and nail against in Congress
Tsk, tsk, Nancy. The internet always keeps receipts.

GOP special election candidate's wife shared post about Hitler's wife in resurfaced tweet
You know how sometimes you just sit around and wonder what life must've been like for Eva Braun, what her hobbies and interests were, how she dressed, what dreams and aspirations she must've held, and what her story could've been had her husband successfully exterminated all the Jews and instituted his Thousand-Year Reich? Oh, you don't? Weird! Anyway, for Meg Van Epps, the wife of MAGA Republican and congressional hopeful Matt Van Epps, that moment came in 2011 when she shared an article on Braun, tweeting: "New pictures of Hitler's wife just surfaced. I had never thought about her before or what she must have been like." Uh, she was Adolf Hitler's faithful life partner who once wrote: "From our first meeting I swore to follow you anywhere even unto death. I live only for your love." Anyway, in related news: voters in Tennessee's 7th district are headed to the polls today in an unexpectedly close race that will send either Van Epps or rising Democratic star Aftyn Behn to the US House. Tough call.

Trump's doctor said he had preventative screening MRI on heart, abdomen with "perfectly normal" results
In a memo released by the White House on Monday, Trump's physician Sean Barbabella said the president's physical exam in October included "advanced imaging" that is "standard for an executive physical" for someone of advanced age. "The purpose of this imaging is preventative: to identify issues early, confirm overall health, and ensure he maintains long-term vitality and function," the doctor wrote. For what it's worth, doctors typically order an MRI to help with diagnosing symptoms or to monitor an ongoing health problem. So-called "preventive" cardiac and abdominal MRIs are not part of routine screening recommendations, and Trump's was conducted during his second "annual" exam in six months. Make of that what you will, or, take White House Sec. of Doublespeak Karoline Leavitt's word on the matter: "I think that’s quite a bit of detail." Uh huh.