Friend,

Thanksgiving brings us together with the people we love – and with the people we love to argue with.

Between the turkey, the stuffing and someone’s second glass of wine, sometimes tough conversations are pretty hard to avoid – especially on the most emotionally charged topics in our community.

So we’ve put together this guide to help you navigate difficult moments, de-escalate tension and ensure there’s no blood spilled across the mashed potatoes.

We hope you find it useful, and remember: Don’t try to win the argument, try to win the room.

Happy Thanksgiving!

 Three Ways To Make Yourself Heard in Challenging Conversations 

🔄 Reflect Shared Values and Concerns

When a point frustrates you, pause and acknowledge the genuine fear or value underneath it. Shared concern creates connection – and helps people actually listen.

🔍 Name The Game

If someone’s repeated talking points are meant to shift blame or stall accountability, step back and call out the tactic – not the person.

📣 Amplify Israeli Validators

Hostage families, ex-security leaders, peace advocates and democratic reformers are challenging Netanyahu’s approach. These Israeli voices often carry weight with people skeptical of the UN, NGOs or foreign critics.

 The Big Debates 

Antisemitism and Anti-Zionism

• Shared Value: We all care about combating rising antisemitism. The attacks in DC, Boulder, Pittsburgh – they’re horrifying. Just as white nationalists and fringe extremists peddling conspiracy theories are antisemitic, so too are those who hold all Jews accountable for the Israeli government’s actions. Nobody at the table wants to see our community under threat.

• Clarify Nuance: Anti-Zionism can definitely be antisemitic, but not every critic of Israel hates Jews. Even very sharp critics of Israel are often reacting to the horrifying images and stories coming out of Gaza and the West Bank. We can’t expect everyone to feel the same way about Israel that we do.

• Call Out Weaponization: When every criticism of the Israeli government gets called antisemitism, it looks like antisemitism is being used as a shield. People notice – and it creates a “boy who cried wolf” dynamic that alienates potential allies concerned about both Gaza AND real antisemitism.

• Tie it to Democracy: It’s even worse because not only is it such a distraction, but at the same time, we have the White House exploiting genuine fears about antisemitism to crack down on free speech, sidestep due process and strip universities of funding.

• Final Point: At this table, we’re able to argue and try to persuade each other, even passionately, without writing each other off. That’s how the country should work, too. We won’t persuade each other on everything, and that’s okay.

 Pressing Beyond the Status Quo in Gaza 

• Shared Value: I think we agree that one of the only things worse than what happened on October 7 would be repeating the same mistakes and allowing it to happen again.

• Reflect Concern: People are saying nothing is happening in Gaza because Hamas is rebuilding, and they’re genocidal maniacs. They haven't even given back all of the hostages. It can feel like this is what we are stuck with.

• Clarify Nuance: We need to get rid of Hamas, and there is actually a plan on the table – the US peace plan – that aims to do that. We need to try it. The alternative is to just give up and have things stay the same.

• Call Out the Situation: A key part of that will be empowering moderate Palestinians. Part of the reason Hamas is in power is that for years, Netanyahu empowered Hamas and agreed to let Qatar send them millions in cash while at the same time actively weakening the Palestinian Authority. He did this to prevent a Palestinian state. He’s said this openly and repeatedly.

• The Path Forward: The PA has all kinds of challenges. It must reform. But imagine if we work with them, and if, for the first time since before Netanyahu, Israel changes its approach and actually tries to empower moderates and – in a clear-eyed way – works with them toward peace. That's an effort worth making.

• Closing Argument: Progress won’t be perfect, but staying in this dead-end status quo guarantees Hamas’ survival and forces Israel back into Gaza. The only way to prevent another October 7 is to stop the blame game and push everyone to move forward.

 Who Speaks for American Jews? 

• Shared Value: We all have a lot at stake right now, and we need strong institutions to fight for us.

• The Problem: For years, the largest legacy organizations in American Jewish life haven't been speaking for so many Jewish Americans, who love Israel but disagree with its current extremist government.

• Clarify Nuance: It’s okay to acknowledge that leadership can drift. Most Jews are distressed about Gaza and see Trump as a real threat at home – yet legacy groups rarely say that.

• Call out the Situation: We have organizations claiming to speak for all Jews that won't critique Netanyahu, Smotrich, Ben-Gvir and their ilk, but will spend millions opposing those who do, while funneling funds into campaigns of more than 100 MAGA politicians who voted to overturn the 2020 elections. Others insist on framing legitimate opposition to Israeli policy as antisemitism, while giving a pass to the right-wing antisemitism of Trump, Musk and MAGA.

• The Questions: Where is the unified Jewish voice defending American democracy? Where’s our mobilization against attacks on immigrants and universities? And where is our response as MAGA normalizes Nick Fuentes and GOP staff circulate Hitler praise?

• Closing Argument: Our Jewish American story is inseparable from liberal democratic freedoms, the immigrant experience and the opportunities of higher education. That is what we should be advocating for as an American Jewish community.

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