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Goddess sing of the incompetent reign
Of thin-skinned Donnie, son of Frederick,
Which caused thinking people to shake their heads
And politicians and those in corner
Offices to grovel before the throne,
In embarrassing submission until
Jimmy of the late-night show was canceled
And so the people defended freedom
Of speech, and the pumpkin-hued complainer
Turned his wrath toward peace-loving Portland.
I am currently reading Emily Wilson’s translation of The Iliad. As often happens, the voice of the book I am reading has seeped into my brain so that I think and sometimes speak in that style. I catch myself using extended similes, as when the writer of a middle-school paper finds himself fifty words short of the minimum and so describes in fifty-one words what could have been communicated in ten.
So, when I saw Trump’s social-media post yesterday about sending “all necessary Troops to protect War ravaged Portland,” it resonated with all the compound adjectives running through my head, like swift-footed Achilles, godlike Ajax, and white-armed Hera. Just that morning, my wife had inquired as to the source of a loud thump from the kitchen, and I replied, “Bushy-tailed Rambler who is colored like a panda and pushes things from the shelf leaped to the floor, and his fur floated about him.”
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I have also dropped into conversation with my wife a couple of lines from Watson’s translation in which Zeus is talking to his wife, Hera:
You startle me! You always have your notions!
I never get away with anything.
However, wise-acting Trygve, son of Helen who made the lefse [ [link removed] ], knows better than to go full Zeus on Kelli, daughter of Linda who makes the colorful quilts. I left off the next part, which shows why Zeus was never a marriage counselor:
But still, your actions will accomplish nothing
except to make me even more enraged,
and that will surely be the worse for you!
If this did happen, it was as I wished.
Sit down, be quiet, and do as I say.
Not a smart way to talk to cat-loving Kelli, watcher of Snapped and Buried in the Backyard.
Trump said in his post that he had directed gel-haired Pete Hegseth, master of the makeup studio, to send troops to misty-skied Portland at the request of plump-lipped Kristi Noem, wearer of tactical accessories and shooter of boisterous puppies. Trump also authorized “Full Force.” Since he capitalized it, Full Force must be some entity under his control. Let’s call them the FF. The FF is being sent to rose-loving Portland to take on sandal-footed Antifa, haters of fascism, who once deployed swift-stripping Naked Athena [ [link removed] ], who battles in her birthday suit, to freeze their opponents in full-frontal headlights.
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Naked Athena, goddess of war and nudity, would certainly be a better Secretary of War than hollow-skulled Pete Hegseth with his warrior-ethos and think-outside-the-box drivel. She would have a truer notion of the warrior ethos and would better hold the attention of generals and admirals gathered at taxpayer expense for what could have been an email.
Pretty-boy Pete lecturing high-ranking officers about his so-called warrior ethos is like me gathering Kelli’s cats to instruct them on how to properly take naps or claw the couch. It would be a waste of time, my lack of expertise would be nakedly apparent, and the cats would pay no attention unless there was a feather dangling in front of me or a laser dot on my shirt. The first to walk away would be pork-eating Dakota, daughter of Ferals and frenemy of neighbor cats. As she left, her tail would be up and curved at the top so that it and her anus formed a question mark. I am convinced she does this on purpose and questions everything we do.
I am thinking about traveling to Portland if this troop deployment happens. I have a daughter in the Pacific Northwest whose husband is deployed on a destroyer, and I haven’t visited Portland since high school, when I marched in the Portland Rose Festival Parade with the Velva High School marching band. Kelli would probably enjoy some alone time with her cats, especially python-patterned Rosie who leaps the fence.
Maybe frozen-foreheaded Kristi Noem will show up with her camouflage handbag and hand-grenade earrings. If Naked Athena makes an appearance, I will avert my eyes, because Kelli always has her notions, and I never get away with anything.

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