There is so much said and written about a woman’s orgasm that it’s difficult to know what they’re really like. Could your orgasms be better? Could they last longer? Could they happen more frequently?

Yes, yes, and yes, according to experts. But that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you (or your sexual partner, I guess). It’s all about figuring out your own body and what works for you. And if you want to have your orgasms last longer, whether you’re having one solo or with a partner, experts say it’s totally an option.

Here’s how to tell if someone is using weaponized incompetence, or truly just needs help understanding how you want them to tackle the task at hand.