RULE OF DUMB

The right-wing meltdown over Trump’s tech glitches at the U.N shows just how hot the MAGA grievance-machine is running these days… over damn near anything.

• Despite widespread online predictions, yesterday failed to bring the Rapture (the day when the righteous are supposed to ascend into heaven). Pandaemonium ensued anyway, however, in right-wing media, over President Donald Trump’s trip to the United Nations, where he faced technical malfunctions so bad, they might have been his own personal time of Tribulation.

• Like the unrepentant in the End Times, Trump failed to ascend… up a glitchy escalator. The contraption stalled just as the president and First Lady Melania Trump stepped on. Then, Trump’s teleprompter conked out as he launched into his disinformation-filled speech. The White House erupted in outrage at these flubs, blasting them as evidence of sabotage, and casting suspicion at dastardly no-goodniks lurking in the murky hallways of the U.N.

• “This was absolutely sabotage,” Trump thundered on social media. “The people that did it should be arrested!” He characterized the escalator stoppage as a life-and-death moment. “It’s amazing that Melania and I didn’t fall forward onto the sharp edges of these steel steps, face first,” he wrote, noting that the Secret Service has gotten involved.

• White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt demanded that anyone responsible at the U.N. be “fired and investigated” (in that order, lol). Over at Fox News, Armageddon broke out. “The sabotage efforts!” lamented Fox Business host and MAGA pot-stirrer Maria Bartiromo. Host Jesse Watters raised a smirking call for military retribution. “We need to bomb it!” Watters declared. (Dude… an escalator stalled, and a teleprompter blinked. Go take a nap on your MyPillow.) Of course, this is the network that famously freaked out over former President Barack Obama’s tan suit back in 2014. Panic attacks are what they do best.

• The U.N. quickly clarified that Trump’s own team was most likely responsible for the mishaps. The escalator apparently stopped because a camera man in Trump’s entourage tripped its automatic shut-off at the top, a U.N. spokesperson said. (They even checked the escalator’s computer brain to confirm it!) The teleprompters? That’s on the White House staff, always, a former presidential speechwriter said. A U.N. official said the same thing to the Associated Press.

This absurd episode highlights an important truth about the right-wing media outrage machine.

• MAGA’s “ready, fire, aim!” approach relies on two big things: First, a grievance-based rightwing culture where any blip triggers a firestorm; and second, a “rinse-and-repeat” rule where no one in MAGAworld risks professional or personal embarrassment by being dead wrong. As Donald Trump learned over years listening to right-wing radio provocateur Rush Limbaugh, victimhood sells. That, apparently, holds true even when you’re merely the victim… of a busted escalator.

• This right-wing grievance machine allows Trump to earn political capital from incredibly stupid things like low-flow toilets or paper straws, and to direct outrage over real problems to MAGA’s usual suspects by misstating or oversimplifying the details (never mind who was really involved). And it allows Fox to make money pretending to care. Trump suffers no political consequences for inciting outrage when the country needs calm.

It’s hard to imagine a sillier problem than an escalator that turns into stairs. Well, maybe if Trump were also wearing a tan suit.

‘AS I WAS SAYING…’

Viewers flocked to Jimmy Kimmel’s triumphant return to ABC on Tuesday night. As of this writing, the YouTube video of Kimmel’s Tuesday monologue had nearly 15 million views in under 16 hours. Way to silence your critics, President Trump!

Kimmel alternated between jokes and earnest appeals to American ideals, including free speech. And he set aside special praise for usual right-wing haters who came to his defense, including pundit Ben Shapiro, Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY), and Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX). “Think about it… If Ted Cruz can’t speak freely, then he can’t cast spells on the Smurfs,” Kimmel said, comparing Cruz to the cartoon’s bad guy Gargamel, before praising Cruz for his “courage.”

Two MAGA-aligned media companies refused to carry Kimmel’s return, however. Sinclair and Nexstar boycotted the broadcast on their dozens of local ABC affiliates. And that was after FCC Chair Brendan Carr openly threatened Nexstar, on behalf of the U.S. government, in order to punish Kimmel in the first place. Way to stand up to the man, Nexstar!

Right-wing media spent Kimmel’s off-time downplaying government coercion with the claim that ABC sidelining Kimmel was strictly business, not Trump-directed censorship. That excuse was destroyed, by, of course, Trump himself, who promptly threatened Kimmel again as soon as he learned the comic would be back on the air.

“I think we’re gonna test ABC out. Last time I went after them they gave me $16m. This one sounds even more lucrative,” Trump wrote, suggesting he’d sue ABC again.

In other words, this story may not yet be over….

WHAT ELSE?

Trump’s Justice Department is preparing to indict former FBI Director James Comey, potentially on charges of lying to Congress over press leaks in 2020, according to reports in MSNBC and ABC News. A prosecutor handpicked by Donald Trump may bring the case even though prosecutors and investigators believe there is insufficient evidence, ABC reported. Comey may be indicted in Virginia, where Trump last week pushed out a widely respected career prosecutor for reportedly refusing to prosecute Trump’s enemies.

One detainee died and two others were critically injured in what authorities described as a “sniper” shooting at an ICE detention facility in Dallas. No law enforcement personnel were hurt in the attack. FBI Director Kash Patel immediately began publicizing potential evidence, including a photo of unspent shell casings marked “ANTI-ICE.” The suspect died in the attack.

Top DOJ “weaponization” henchman Ed Martin retracted a bizarre letter demanding information from an attorney representing a retired FBI agent who responded to the massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary School in 2012. The agent testified about his experience responding to the shooting at the defamation trial of right-wing conspiracy theorist Alex Jones. Martin was reportedly ordered to rescind the letter, which implied the agent could be under criminal investigation, after Jones posted it online.

Maurice Hastings, 72, was awarded $25 million after spending 38 years in prison in California for alleged crimes he did not commit — in the state’s largest wrongful conviction settlement ever.

Light at the End of the Email…

Democrat Adelita Grijalva won a special election for a House seat once held by her late father in Tucson, Ariz. Grijalva’s win narrows Republicans’ already thin majority to 219-214. Grijalva may be the last signature needed to force a House vote on releasing the DOJ’s Epstein files… which Trump and GOP leadership have been trying to stop.

Streamer Kai Cenat gifted a fully-furnished home and a car to a mother and son on the verge of eviction.

What could make a bachelorette’s big night out better than this viral serenade from one of Salem, Massachusetts’ bravest?

Wanna see a website dedicated to mapping every music genre on Earth, from Belgian techno to Corsican folk? Sure you do. It’s right over here at Every Noise At Once, founded by former Spotify employee Glenn McDonald.