DO THE BRAINWORM🪱

RFK Jr.’s dramatic assault on vaccines is even stressing out Republican lawmakers. Can anything stop the roadkill enthusiast’s efforts to reshape American public health?

• HHS Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. famously promised to take on the food industry as part of his controversial quest to “Make America Healthy Again.” Instead, he unleashed a food fight on Capitol Hill. Kennedy’s appearance in the normally ho-hum Senate Finance Committee this morning sparked a riotous hearing, which quickly devolved into yelling, recriminations, accusations, insults, name-calling, and all the entertainment value of a three-hour-long Wrestlemania cage match.

• In one corner: Herr Doktor Brainwürm, with a superhuman ability to twist facts and distort reality when it doesn’t match his viewpoint. In the other, agitated Democrats and some Republicans, who accused Kennedy of reneging on his earlier promise not to restrict access to vaccines, and of engaging in “reckless disregard for science and the truth.”

• Sen. Bill Cassidy (R-LA) came ready to rumble. A mild-mannered physician who pushed through Kennedy’s nomination, Cassidy attempted to force RFK Jr. to choose between Trump and his anti-vax views. He asked: Does President Donald Trump deserve the Nobel Peace Prize for overseeing the rapid creation of COVID vaccines in Operation Warp Speed? Kennedy didn’t spot the trap. “Absolutely,” he replied.

• “But you just told Sen. Bennet that the COVID vaccine killed more people than COVID,” Cassidy shot back. The brainworm survivor stumbled, claiming that it’s impossible to know how many people died from COVID (Hint: It’s in the millions, buddy.) Has a GOP senator ever attacked a member of Trump’s cabinet? Not that I can remember!

• Cassidy pointed out that RFK Jr.’s policies would effectively mean denying some people access to COVID shots, because fewer people could get them at drug stores without prescriptions. Sen. John Barrasso (R-WY) hit a similar note: “In your confirmation hearings, you promised to uphold the highest standards for vaccines,” he said. “Since then, I’ve grown deeply concerned.” Sen. Thom Tillis (R-NC) also joined in on the action.

Kennedy aggressively fought back throughout the hearing, shifting uncomfortably in his seat and breathing heavily into the microphone… until an aide appeared to tell him to use the mute button.

• Senators slammed Kennedy for firing CDC Director Susan Monarez, who has claimed that she was let go for refusing to preapprove vaccine recommendations. Kennedy accused Monarez of flat-out lying about that — but his version of events made so little sense that it left lawmakers nearly speechless.

• “I told her that she had to resign because I asked her, ‘Are you a trustworthy person?’ and she said, ‘No,’” Kennedy claimed. As if anyone would actually say that! Kennedy caused so much confusion with this remark that he later had to explain to a baffled Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT) that Monarez didn’t literally say, “no, I am not a trustworthy person.”

• It’s a classic game of brainworm said / she said: Monarez’s legal team said Kennedy is the one who’s lying. “We certainly dismiss Secretary Kennedy's claims as false and, at times, patently ridiculous,” they said in a statement.

• Today’s tumultuous hearing revealed that Kennedy is dead set on bending America’s public health agency to his political whims, and he’s unafraid to push out those who stand in his way. One question is left: Will more Republicans try to stop him before he does irreparable harm?

Sen. Ron Wyden (D-OR) put it bluntly: “I don’t think Robert Kennedy should be within a million miles of this job.”

WHAT ELSE?

Federal Reserve nominee Stephen Miran told lawmakers that he doesn’t plan on resigning from his post as White House economic adviser if he’s confirmed for the new position — raising huge red flags about the central bank’s independence. He also refused to say that former President Joe Biden won the 2020 election, so there’s that!

You know how Donald Trump’s going after his perceived enemies for having more than one primary residence on their mortgage papers? Welp, three of his own cabinet members also claim multiple homes as primary residences on loan records, according to ProPublica! (That would be Labor Secretary Lori Chavez-DeRemer, Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy, EPA Administrator Lee Zeldin.) The White House said that they have “followed the law and they are fully compliant with all ethical obligations.”

Washington, D.C. sued the Trump administration to stop the deployment of National Guard troops in the city. “No American city should have the U.S. military — particularly out-of-state military who are not accountable to the residents and untrained in local law enforcement — policing its streets,” D.C. Attorney General Brian Schwalb said. The lawsuit comes as Trump is expected to expand his National Guard deployment in D.C. for several months.

Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY), who played a key role enabling Donald Trump, is now warning that the U.S. is in trouble. “I think this is the most dangerous period since before World War II. There’s certain similarities right now to the 30s,” he said. Damn, it’s almost like you had 40 years in the Senate to prevent that!

On that note, the government agency in charge of issuing visas and green cards is hiring its own police force, including armed agents to arrest immigrants or lawyers who commit fraud in applications. What were you saying about that uncomfortable 1930s vibe, Mitch?

Texas lawmakers approved allowing private citizens to sue abortion pill providers, doctors and people who mail abortion medications. Once signed into law by Gov. Greg Abbott (R-TX), it’ll become a first-of-its-kind measure designed to further restrict the most common method of abortion.

A massive Chinese cyberattack last year may have allowed hackers to steal info from nearly every American, The New York Times reports. Great, so now there’s a government agentand a Chinese cybersleuth watching my every move?! Three’s a party, I guess!

Light at the End of the Email…

A federal judge ruled that the Trump administration’s freeze on some $2 billion in Harvard research grants was illegal. “Defendants used antisemitism as a smokescreen for a targeted, ideologically-motivated assault on this country’s premier universities,” the judge wrote.

LSD may help some patients with anxiety, according to an ongoing study published by drugmaker MindMed. In this political climate? I don’t think so!!!

A 13-year-old New Hampshire boy caught a 177-pound Halibut while deep sea fishing — possibly setting a world record. “I think I screamed, honestly,” said the boy, who weighs 57 pounds less than the fish he caught. “I don’t know exactly what happened, but I was very excited.”

The “Bluey” movie’s release date just dropped: August 6, 2027. Mark your calendars! This show about a blue heeler dog and her family is actually so good; I will 1000 percent be front row at the theatre with my nephews.

Good news for Swifties: The Kelce brother’s “Garage Beer” company is valued at more than $200 million. It’s so on-brand that Travis Kelce has a successful light beer company. Just wait until they release the Taylor Swift line of Garage Wine Coolers.