AUG 10

The Texas state legislature’s move to redistrict the Congressional map opened Pandora’s box; several states have decided to follow suit as the 2026 midterms slowly descend upon us, and the delicate balance of power in the House is determined. The hypocrisy is palpable. 

For starters, Congressional Democrats in recent years have advocated for packing the Supreme Court, abolishing the filibuster, opposing voter ID (and by extension electoral participation by non-citizens), proliferating mail-in ballots and ballot dropboxes, and even lowering the voting age to 16. The minute Republicans give them the smallest dose of their own medicine to control the levers of federal power, it’s suddenly “an unprecedented power grab and threat to Democracy.”  

Texas Democrats fled across the country to deny the Republican-controlled State House a quorum (i.e. procedurally preventing formal passage of the redistricted map). The party of climate change acolytes chartered private planes to do so; carbon emissions don’t count when you’re resisting GOP fascism. 

The irony here is layered. Texas Democrats performatively fled to blue state havens like Illinois and California, the most left-leaning gerrymandered states in the country. In a press conference the Governor of Massachusetts announced Texas’ legislature had forced her hand, and her state would redistrict in kind. Only problem: Massachusetts doesn’t have a single Republican Congressional seat to eliminate, despite Republicans constituting ~40% of the state electorate. Blue states have gerrymandered so aggressively they almost literally can’t do so further. Despite relatively comparable state political landscapes to Massachusetts, consider the following blue state Congressional representation: 

• Maryland: just one GOP Congressman

• California: 43-9 Democrat/Republican split

• Illinois: 14-3 D/R split

• New York: 19-7 D/R split

It’s worth noting the GOP can fairly easily attain at least 12 new Congressional seats with other red states following Texas’ lead. Democrats can only squeeze out 2-3 more seats without having to amend their respective state constitutions, an action in which some states would require a special election. 

The Texas House voted to issue arrest warrants for absentee Democrats. Gov. Abbott publicly has also threatened arrests, in addition to paycheck denials, and calling as many special sessions as it takes to get redistricting done. Grab your popcorn. 

The White House also announced President Trump will be meeting with Vladimir Putin in Alaska next Friday, with the (perhaps cautiously optimistic, perhaps ultimately futile; if you know how to get a good read on negotiations between the man who wrote The Art of the Deal and KGB trained heads of state please contact us) goal of finally ending the Russo-Ukrainian War.   

The White House’s aspirations for peace and social stability were focused domestically this week too. A former DOGE staffer, famously known by his pseudonym, “Big Balls,” was violently assaulted and left bloodied by a group of approximately 10 juvenile men while escorting his significant other home at ~3am. Reminding our readers that nothing good happens in public spaces after bars close. 

President Trump had already floated the idea of federalizing control of Washington DC (crime there has gotten so bad city officials have resorted to manipulating criminal data as opposed to upholding the law). The incident gave him fuel to do so. The White House mobilized federal agents to patrol the streets of DC shortly thereafter, and promised to do whatever it takes to restore order to America’s Capital–and is taking a long look at moving governance authority from city officials to the feds. We’ll keep you posted. 

In Other News

• The beef between Biden and Harris disciples is coming to a head; please release the embarrassing stories in question.

• Former Tennessee head football coach Derek Dooley is running as a Republican for Senator in Georgia, to challenge incumbent John Ossoff [D] for his seat. SEC football fans are hoping his campaign goes better than his coaching tenure. 

• Newly elected Prime Minister of Canada, Mark Carney, attended a pride parade in Vancouver to affirm his status as an “ally” to his constituency; butt the optics could have been better.  

• A Democrat Congresswoman announced she’s “Guatemala First.” 

• Former CNN “journalist” provocateur Jim Acosta “interviewed” an AI rendition of a child who died in the tragic Parkland shooting to champion gun control.  We are looking forward to his followup piece, in which he asks Selena her opinions on immigration policy by ouiji-board  

• Elon Musk has made Starlink internet services available to Somalia. First question: why? Second question: will the Somali pirates be live streaming, and where can we watch?  

• Speaking of Somalian looters, another hundred million dollar taxpayer-funded money laundering scheme has been exposed. 

• We will not be convinced the NASA comms department didn’t know what they were doing.

• Robert Mueller, yes, the one who headed the Mueller investigation which resulted in the House impeachment of President Trump, was subpoenaed for his role in the Russiagate operation DNI Gabbard is investigating. Too bad he lives at a memory care facility now. Infer what you will. 

• In local news, the El Tiempo marg stand at Minute Maid (we refuse to acknowledge Daikin Park unless we too receive generous foreign direct investment from Japan) is changing their serving policy–sadly taking some of the juice out of the “Juice Box.” 

Following Hidalgo’s outburst, the Harris County Commissioners adopted new procedural rules to prevent the kind of decorum Lina displayed from shaming Harris County ever again. Judge Tom Ramsey [R] spearheaded a successful motion to censure Hidalgo, and is reportedly looking into avenues for removing Hidalgo from office altogether. Godspeed Tom. 

Houston isn’t the only Texas city reeling from poor leadership. The Austin American Statesman published a piece this week detailing the extent Austinites are footing the bill for (predominantly liberal) elected officials’ meals and social life. Read the paywall removed article here.  

Another political heavyweight has entered the fray in the race for state attorney general. Congressman Chip Roy [R-TX-21], a senior alum of both Ken Paxton and Ted Cruz-world, has thrown his hat in the ring. Roy is a firebrand, and will likely prove to be a formidable opponent for the rest of the field. 

The race for incumbent Senator John Cornyn’s seat grew another wrinkle as well, but on the left side of the aisle. State Senator (and pastor) James Talarico, who recently went on Joe Rogan’s podcast, and has done 48 and counting interviews with media outlets asserting himself as the face of Democrat defiance to redistricting, is rumored to be nearing a formal announcement for a US Senate campaign. 

His not-so-subtle publicity campaign comes as Collin Allred and Beto O’Rourke–both prolific fundraisers who ultimately failed in dethroning Ted Cruz–have wrestled with toeing the party line on redistricting while campaigning for themselves. Beto has taken the first shot, saying in an interview with Texas Monthly “I don’t think it’s any secret that Colin is probably not off to the strongest start.” 

A pastor, former NFL linebacker, and former punk-rock-guitarist-skateboard-enthusiast-who-married-into-a-billionaire-family, all walk into a Senate Democratic primary election together. There’s no punchline, only a sad reality. 

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