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WHY MOTHERHOOD IS HARDER IN SOME COUNTRIES THAN OTHERS  
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Eleanor J. Bader
May 5, 2025
Ms. Magazine
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_ Eleanor J. Bader explores with Four Mothers author Abigail Leonard
how national policies and cultural norms in Finland, Japan, Kenya and
the U.S. shape the first year of motherhood—and redefine what it
means to parent in vastly different societies. _

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“Parenthood is shaped by the broad systems our societies have built
over time,” writes award-winning journalist and mother Abigail
Leonard [[link removed]] in _Four
Mothers: An Intimate Journey Through the First Year of Parenthood in
Four Countries_
[[link removed]].
“Many of the big decisions, like how much time to spend with their
children and how to divide the emotional and physical labor with their
partner, are heavily determined by the social structures of the place
women give birth.” 

The ways this works to reinforce or expand ideas about gender, family,
reproduction and out-of-home work are at the core of Leonard’s
deeply reported interrogation of the social, emotional and physical
toll of parenthood in Finland, Japan, Kenya and the United States.
Social supports (or their lack)—from affordable childcare and
healthcare, to social groupings of other new parents, to the counsel
of public health professionals—are highlighted in the lives of four
cis women. It’s a powerful look at the hard, often lonely
[[link removed]] work
of creating and raising the next generation.

Leonard spoke to _Ms._ about the book ahead of its May 6, 2025,
release.

_This interview has been lightly edited for length and clarity._

_ELEANOR J. BADER_: YOU WERE BORN AND RAISED IN THE U.S. AND LIVED IN
JAPAN FOR SEVERAL YEARS. WHY DID YOU CHOOSE TO INCLUDE FINNISH AND
KENYAN MOTHERS?

ABIGAIL LEONARD: As I write in the book, the U.S. is the country I
know best, with its history of female professional achievement and
weak social safety net. I wanted to understand whether these two
things were connected or if it was possible to have gender equality
and a strong benefits system at the same time.

This led me to the Nordic countries, where I was particularly
interested in whether strong social programs could make up for
difficult personal circumstances. 

Japan is one of the world’s largest economies, and Tokyo, with 39
million people, is the biggest city on the planet. Yet the country
maintains one of the most generous social welfare systems anywhere.
Living there, though, I saw that its strict gender roles undercut
these benefits for both men and women. 

When I started this project, I knew that I wanted to include people
from different continents. Africa has a higher birth rate than the
rest of the world. In 2024, Kenya had 25.6 births per 1000 people
[[link removed]],
[[link removed]] compared
with 12.2 in the U.S. I wanted to see the generational changes there.
Another advantage was that Kenyans speak English.

_BADER_: HOW DID YOU FIND THE WOMEN WHOSE STORIES YOU INCLUDED?  

LEONARD: I knew I wanted the four women to be comparable,
middle-class, educated, happy about their pregnancies, and due to
deliver around January 2022, the beginning of the calendar year. I
found Sarah, the U.S. mother, online through a parents’ website. I
found the other three through journalists who were based in the
countries I was focusing on. They reached out and found the
participants for me. I began tracking the four women in January 2022,
just before they gave birth and followed them for a full year, until
their babies turned one.   

_BADER_: HOW WELL DID YOU GET TO KNOW THEM?

LEONARD: I visited all four in their homes because I wanted to get a
sense of what their lives were like. We also met regularly over Zoom
and talked by phone.

The journalists were a tremendous help, taking photos and videos so I
could see what was happening when I was not physically present. For
example, when Chelsea in Kenya got her daughter’s ears pierced, the
reporter took pictures and videos, and I saw exactly where Chelsea
had gone. I then asked about how she experienced this event the next
time we talked. When I went to Kenya, I went to the site in person so
I could describe it accurately. 

I tried to see as many places as I could in each family’s life. I
wanted the visuals to be vivid for readers. As for the frequency of
contact, I spoke to each new mom at least once a month for 60 to 90
minutes, but we often communicated much more frequently. Tsukasa in
Japan speaks limited English, and I speak limited Japanese, so we had
to use an interpreter, but I frequently texted or emailed back and
forth with the other three. I think the fact that I was interested in
the minutiae of their lives helped us connect.

_BADER_: THE BOOK INCLUDES A GREAT DEAL OF PERSONAL DRAMA—ANNA IN
FINLAND BREAKS UP WITH HER PARTNER; SARAH IN THE U.S. HAS TO DEAL WITH
HER HUSBAND’S SEXUAL INTEREST IN MEN AND
POLYAMORY; TSUKASA’S HUSBAND IS A WORKAHOLIC; AND CHELSEA IS
ABANDONED BY HER BABY’S FATHER—BUT THE BOOK NEVER DESCENDS INTO
SOAP OPERA. HOW MUCH EDITING DID YOU DO?

LEONARD: I was so grateful to these women for opening up and thought
the details they offered provided an interesting window into
relationships. But I did want to keep the narrative focused.
Everyone’s life is complicated, and you can choose any thread to
pull; at the same time, I wanted the book to address the need for
social support and the challenges facing new moms. 

_BADER_: DID ANYTHING YOU DISCOVERED SURPRISE YOU?

'NEEDLESS TO SAY, MOTHERHOOD IS UNIVERSALLY HARD, BUT I LEARNED THAT
JUST HOW HARD IT IS DEPENDS ON WHERE YOU HAPPEN TO GIVE BIRTH.'
| ABIGAIL LEONARD

LEONARD: I was surprised by how many steps Kenya has taken to protect
mothers and about how much influence American politics has there
since American ideas about privatized childcare, private health
insurance and restrictions on reproductive medicine have impacted what
is available.

I also found it interesting that so many generations in Finland have
worked on ensuring that robust social supports are available that the
culture gender roles have shifted. Seeing how much freedom these
supports gave Anna, including not having to worry about the cost of
labor and delivery, meant that she did not have to fear becoming
dependent on her partner for financial help. Needless to say,
motherhood is universally hard, but I learned that just how hard it is
depends on where you happen to give birth.

Sarah in the U.S. experienced mental anguish because so much was out
of her control. The idea of having to find a place to pump breast milk
tied her in knots, and once she returned to her job as a teacher, she
had to drive a very long way twice a day, five days a week, to bring
her baby to her parents’ house because she could not afford
childcare.

At the same time, for her, I think participating in the book was an
act of political speech that she seemed to relish and felt was
meaningful.  

For Anna, speaking to me gave her a chance to share her pride in the
Finnish system. It was a way for her to share her thoughts and
appreciation for the support she receives.  

In Japan, government-organized mothers’ groups create opportunities
for women to meet, get support from one another and build
relationships. Tsukasa got validation about the difficulties of
breastfeeding from the other moms. The support of these mothers went a
long way in making her feel less lonely and inept.  

This was also true for me. I had all three of my children in Japan and
it was so nice to talk to a public health nurse at the community
center I went to, as well as other new moms about day-to-day stuff. It
really helped alleviate at least some of my anxiety.

People often talk about postpartum depression, but postpartum anxiety
is just as pervasive. I think having a public health nurse come to
your home every few weeks to answer questions and check on mother and
baby, as is done in many parts of the world, is really, really
helpful. 

_BADER_: IN MANY COUNTRIES, MEN HAVE BECOME INCREASINGLY INVOLVED IN
PARENTING, BUT NOT ALL OF THE MEN IN THE BOOK WERE WILLING TO STEP UP.
HOW CAN MEN BE ENCOURAGED TO BE MORE INVOLVED IN THEIR KIDS’ LIVES?

LEONARD: In Finland, the government has said very clearly that men
have a right to time with their kids. It’s expected, and Finland is
the only country in the world where men spend more time with young
children than women do.

In the U.S., Rep. Jimmy Gomez  [[link removed]](D-Calif.)
founded the Congressional Dads’ Caucus in 2023; it now has 45
members. I think many millennial and Gen X men want to be involved,
but there is pressure to succeed at work, which complicates this. 

Policies feed culture. Most tech companies offer paternity leave,
which has made their companies desirable work sites, but we need
policies that help men feel comfortable taking time off when a baby
is born. We also have to do more to do away with the two-tiered
system that gives good paternity benefits to professional workers in
tech and other large companies but does not offer comparable benefits
to men in service or industry jobs. Leading by example is important
and having models of healthy fatherhood is a good thing for society.
When President Obama left the Oval Office at 6:30 p.m. in order to
have dinner with his kids, it modeled something others can emulate. 
 

'If examples of healthy masculinity can be put forward, and we can
build allyship between feminists, reproductive justice, childcare and
healthcare activists, we’ll be able to organize something that
benefits the majority of the population.' | Abigail Leonard

_BADER_: LET’S TALK ABOUT THE CURRENT SITUATION IN THE U.S. DO YOU
THINK IT’S POSSIBLE TO BUILD MOMENTUM FOR PRO-FAMILY POLICIES LIKE
PAID MEDICAL LEAVE, SUBSIDIZED CHILDCARE, OR MATERNAL AND CHILD
WELFARE DURING THE NEXT FEW YEARS?

LEONARD: Trump’s election was a misguided response to taking care
of families—remember, he pledged to lower food prices—but despite
his administration, I think this can be a time of opportunity. If the
Democrats can articulate a vision of true “American
exceptionalism” by building a foundation for strong families to
thrive, they’ll build power. If examples of healthy masculinity can
be put forward, and we can build allyship between feminists,
reproductive justice, childcare and healthcare activists, we’ll be
able to organize something that benefits the majority of the
population. 

The fact that government-supported childcare and medical leave are
still aspirational says a lot about the contemporary U.S. and what we
need to do. But change often happens after moments of chaos, and I
believe that support for subsidized childcare, paid parental leave,
expanded maternal healthcare and national health insure and can win
bipartisan support since these policies will benefit all American
families. We just have to keep hope alive. 

_Eleanor J. Bader is a freelance journalist from Brooklyn, N.Y., who
writes for Truthout, Lilith, the LA Review of Books, RainTaxi, The
Indypendent, New Pages, and The Progressive. She tweets
at @eleanorjbader1  [[link removed]]._

_Ms. [[link removed]] was the first U.S. magazine to
feature prominent American women demanding the repeal of laws that
criminalized abortion, the first to explain and advocate for the Equal
Rights Amendment, to rate presidential candidates on women’s issues,
to put domestic violence and sexual harassment on its cover, to
commission and feature a national study on date rape and to blow the
whistle on the undue influence of advertising on magazine journalism._

_In short, Ms. was the first national magazine to make feminist voices
audible, feminist journalism tenable and a feminist worldview
available to the public._

* motherhood
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* Women
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* women's equality
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* families
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* Finland
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* Kenya
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* Japan
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