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LARRY DAVID: MY DINNER WITH ADOLF  
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Larry David
April 21, 2025
The New York Times
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_ Larry David (Seinfeld, Curb Your Enthusiasm) spoofs the fawning
"book report" Bill Maher delivered on his show, Real Time With Bill
Maher, describing Maher's amicable dinner with Donald Trump. _

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Imagine my surprise when in the spring of 1939 a letter arrived at my
house inviting me to dinner at the Old Chancellery with the world’s
most reviled man, Adolf Hitler. I had been a vocal critic of his on
the radio from the beginning, pretty much predicting everything he was
going to do on the road to dictatorship. No one I knew encouraged me
to go. “He’s Hitler. He’s a monster.” But eventually I
concluded that hate gets us nowhere. I knew I couldn’t change his
views, but we need to talk to the other side — even if it has
invaded and annexed other countries and committed unspeakable crimes
against humanity.

Two weeks later, I found myself on the front steps of the Old
Chancellery and was led into an opulent living room, where a few of
the Führer’s most vocal supporters had gathered: Himmler, Göring,
Leni Riefenstahl and the Duke of Windsor, formerly King Edward VIII.
We talked about some of the beautiful art on the walls that had been
taken from the homes of Jews. But our conversation ended abruptly when
we heard loud footsteps coming down the hallway. Everyone stiffened as
Hitler entered the room.

He was wearing a tan suit with a swastika armband and gave me an
enthusiastic greeting that caught me off guard. Frankly, it was a
warmer greeting than I normally get from my parents, and it was
accompanied by a slap on my back. I found the whole thing quite
disarming. I joked that I was surprised to see him in a tan suit
because if he wore that out, it would be perceived as un-Führer-like.
That amused him to no end, and I realized I’d never seen him laugh
before. Suddenly he seemed so human. Here I was, prepared to meet
Hitler, the one I’d seen and heard — the public Hitler. But this
private Hitler was a completely different animal. And oddly enough,
this one seemed more authentic, like this was the real Hitler. The
whole thing had my head spinning.

He said he was starving and led us into the dining room, where he
gestured for me to sit next to him. Göring immediately grabbed a
slice of pumpernickel, whereupon Hitler turned to me, gave me an eye
roll, then whispered, “Watch. He’ll be done with his entire meal
before you’ve taken two bites.” That one really got me. Göring,
with his mouth full, asked what was so funny, and Hitler said, “I
was just telling him about the time my dog had diarrhea in the
Reichstag.” Göring remembered. How could he forget? He loved that
story, especially the part where Hitler shot the dog before it got
back into the car. Then a beaming Hitler said, “Hey, if I can kill
Jews, Gypsies and homosexuals, I can certainly kill a dog!” That
perhaps got the biggest laugh of the night — and believe me, there
were plenty.

But it wasn’t just a one-way street, with the Führer dominating the
conversation. He was quite inquisitive and asked me a lot of questions
about myself. I told him I had just gone through a brutal breakup with
my girlfriend because every time I went someplace without her, she was
always insistent that I tell her everything I talked about. I can’t
stand having to remember every detail of every conversation. Hitler
said he could relate — he hated that, too. “What am I, a
secretary?” He advised me it was best not to have any more contact
with her or else I’d be right back where I started and eventually
I’d have to go through the whole thing all over again. I said it
must be easy for a dictator to go through a breakup. He said,
“You’d be surprised. There are still feelings.” Hmm … there
are still feelings. That really resonated with me. We’re not that
different, after all. I thought that if only the world could see this
side of him, people might have a completely different opinion.

Two hours later, the dinner was over, and the Führer escorted me to
the door. “I am so glad to have met you. I hope I’m no longer the
monster you thought I was.” “I must say, mein Führer, I’m so
thankful I came. Although we disagree on many issues, it doesn’t
mean that we have to hate each other.” And with that, I gave him a
Nazi salute and walked out into the night.

_Larry David is a comedian, writer and actor who created “Curb Your
Enthusiasm” and was a co-creator of “Seinfeld.”_

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